I was onsite a few weeks back, meaning that I was teaching my group in person rather than over the phone or our office's version of Skype. What was interesting about this trip was that I was not the only Skywardian that was going to be working with this school. In fact, there were three other people who were going to be there, one of which was from my office. The project manager that assigned me to this site pointed it out to me, in case I wanted to reach out to the others.
I thought it was a great idea. I drafted up an email inviting the members from the other office to all have dinner together, put some faces to names we've seen in the call queue. Upon the second email I sent, I got a wishy-washy reply that they were going to try and connect with another Skywardian that was nearby, someone I gather that used to be in the same office but had since gone remote, but would let us know. Never heard anything back. Shrugged it off, figuring that they were having fun reconnecting and it had slipped their mind. Made the invitation again the next night through my office mate since he would see them directly and ended up with another wishy-washy maybe--we told them where the two of us (myself and my buddy from the IL office) were going, they said they'd let us know.
I was not surprised that we didn't hear from them again. And being blown off for the third time, well, good riddance because I wasn't going to try with this group anymore. I had made the invitation, been gracious, and clearly they were not interested in meeting up.
Am I still annoyed at them? A little, I suppose. But like I said, good riddance. I was done investing my energy at that point, having supplied ample opportunity.
I have done this with old friends, too. There are names I have erased from my phone because each time I've made an invitation or offer, there was no real response. This has only officially happened twice where I made the active decision to stop trying to contact that person any more, but I doubt that either party really noticed. I don't take offense when people don't follow up on the "We should hang out sometime" vagaries--these declare good intent, but are seldom an actual plan. What I mean are those instances when a specific time and/or date are suggested and then a) not responding at all, b) not suggesting an alternative time, c) not showing up at an agreed times or d) some mixture thereof, meaning that you're left feeling blown off.
I get that we're all busy. I do not expect anyone to drop everything that they're doing to hang out with us. Andy and I are blessed in that there are a number of people that we want to spend time with and amazingly people who also want to spend time with us. However, when someone makes the effort to suggest a catch-up time or general hang-age, I do try to suggest an alternative if I cannot make the one offered; the other party has displayed genuine interest, ergo I want to reciprocate in kind. There has to be some kind of unwritten rule, here, that I follow without knowing the name.
We all have a finite amount of energy and of time. I appreciate that people will take time out of their schedule for me; I hope that others do the same in turn. In fact, I selfishly hope that others particularly appreciate that I choose to spend my energy (which is always in a weird state of flux) with them.
Truly, though, and there is a lot of cliche in this, we need to remember to be grateful for the time that we have together. That idea that I'm living on borrowed time has not left me, even though I'm doing much, much better than I have been; there are elements of this mindset that can be worth keeping. I will spread myself as thinly as possible to be a part of the lives of those who want me to be in theirs and even insert myself otherwise, but I recognize that energy is a finite resource. Thus, the tension sets in, afraid to miss out but needing to ensure that I have enough energy to carry on. I've become less repentant in ceasing to offer those invitations when the interest is not returned. I have much more control in my life now that I can choose whom I wish to spend time with. I've also grown up enough that I can still be friends with someone and not see them every week.
In this rambling post, I suppose the crux I want to say is that I hope we can respect everybody's time but also respect when someone chooses not to spend that time, on either side of the issue. I am not aiming to explicitly guilt anyone into calling me. In fact, I know of a few people that I need to reach out to because it has been too long on my end. As such, I will say this: to all my friends that I have seen recently and to those I haven't, thank you for being a part of my life whatever chapter it was or is.
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