Preparing

As of this post today, Andy and I are officially 14 days away from our Norway Trip.  That means, I already have a checklist of everything I want to make sure I have in our carry-on bag, I have all of our vouchers printed off for hotels and other tickets, and I have certainly obsessed about where we will be on which day and when we'll need to be ready, etc.   The latest and greatest in our excitement was buying tickets for La Cenerentola or as I've been referring to it, Cinderella by Rossini.

And you probably at least know Rossini from "Rabbit of Seville."

There was a lot of flailing involved in that purchase, mostly from me, actually, and we did have to purchase from a site that was entirely in Norwegian.  It was oddly exciting to recognize words like "payment" and "continue" without having to pull up a translator.

So here it is.  So close to our goal and our adventure.  And there is a rolling tumult of emotions in my gut.  We promised each other that our fifth anniversary was going to be something big after we survived those first couple of years of marriage, with four surgeries, countless doctor's appointments, and lots of arguing with insurance, not to mention all of the emotional heartache that goes along with it.  We damn-well made it happen.  This involved paying off a fair bit of debt, saving, learning basic Norwegian, but the hardest preparation personally was getting to a better state of health, involving slow, steady healing, a new diet, and finding an exercise routine I could tolerate.  It really did take five years to put this all together.

This trip is symbolic, a stick-it-to-the-man where "the-man" in this case is our situation revolving around my health history.  It is an affirmation of our perseverance as a couple and as individuals (with no small thanks to our AMAZING support system).  This means there's a little bit of pressure to be absolutely amazing, and I've been reminding myself to not build my expectations too high and go along with the adventure instead.  

There are also decisions that we've told ourselves "We'll worry about that after the Norway Trip" that will be waiting for us when we get back.  

There's also that goal-gap, the "I've just finished an amazing book and don't know what to do with my life" kind of depression.  We've been working toward it for so long, it's time to find out what our new dream is.

And most significantly, I'm also terrified that my body is going to fall apart through the travel.  How crushing would it be to finally make it there and then be unable to experience any of it because I have to sequester myself away for rest at every opportunity?  My body is absurdly unpredictable for someone my age, despite all the ways I've learned how to listen to it.  And that stress compounds on itself, meaning that I'm likely to pull out of normal activities for the next couple of weeks, trying to adjust for that best I can.

So I'm ecstatic.  I'm burying myself in the details to cover some of those other anxieties.  And sometimes, that means I have to stop, acknowledge to myself that, yes, I am scared, which then seems to allow me to keep going anyway.  My excitement and my fear are there in equal parts, rolling in my stomach.  Thankfully, both feel at least a little better with some peppermint tea.

14 days.  

Tightrope Down the Middle

Unsurprisingly, Facebook right now is a veritable minefield.  Everyone has an opinion about what is happening in our country right now.  So far, I've tried to walk a difficult line down the middle, pleading that we all try to see from the others' perspective.  For my own peace of mind, though, I need to take a more aggressive stance today.  

I am sick of this idea that name-calling or dismissal is the same as proving your point.  For example:  "Oh, you're just mad that your candidate lost" or "You've been brainwashed by Fox News" or "oh, it's another entitled millennial."  And then walking away as though that somehow clinches your argument and made all of your opponents points and/or feelings invalid.  

Grow the hell up.  

This is not an argument, dismissing someone wholly and completely.  It's all kinds of logical fallacy (Red Herring, Irrelevant Appeals, Ad Hominem, I could go on), and while you might feel momentarily superior, A) that did not win the argument, B) it keeps us further from the truth, C) you've alienated any potential future audience particularly with this group, and D) resorting to these fallacies means that somewhere your argument is not strong enough to carry a point on its own, meaning that you should probably form some more coherent reasons.  

Anyone saying the former, the "You're just mad that Hillary Clinton lost" or "Trump won; GET OVER IT" crowd:  

Yes.  We know.  And while there might still be some frustration there, that does not mean that everything else said after the fact is stemming purely from that frustration.  Obama won both elections cleanly and that did not stop people from criticizing him--why was that okay and criticizing Trump magically not okay?  How did you feel when you were told "you lost; just get over it?"  I've had this twice now, from Hillary Clinton supporters telling me to fall in line when she beat out Bernie and now Donald Trump supporters trying to tell me to do the same.  I'm sorry if/when someone else did this to you, but that does not make it okay to use this as your primary point.  People have real concerns about this transition, again, having accepted that this is what happened.  

Myself, the possible repeal of the Affordable Care Act and in particular the pre-existing condition clause has me scared for myself and others.  I know first-hand how much maintenance medication can cost and how I feel even trying to stretch out that interval a week, let alone more if that's what you're trying to do to stretch your dollar.  If you cannot pay for your medication because you were suddenly thrown off of your health insurance, that means that you're not taking it as prescribed, which can be dangerous for all kinds of reasons--in my case, it would mean slowly disintegrating until I could not longer work and then fall into complete bankruptcy while my health is being held for ransom.  Perhaps you think I'm being melodramatic, but if you know my history, you know that I've seen the numbers and run them through my head more than once, what I would have to do to survive without health insurance.  Are you going to tell me that my fears are completely unfounded, when I have a damn good idea of what it's like to waste away to Crohn's?  Even if you retort with some logic, that this clause would ultimately be saved, etc., I still have that fear and it helps me to at least have that acknowledgement that I'm afraid.  Disregarding that entirely by saying "get over it" certainly doesn't help.  Why would that help anyone else? 

As for other concerns, people might be looking for red flags, sure, but that doesn't mean that there aren't any.  Everyone has a bias and is looking for information to feed that bias, but that doesn't mean that there is no evidence.  Donald Trump is a textbook narcissist.  That is why a great many people are concerned.   

Are there bitter people out there right now, working through their own mourning process?  Sure.  Does that invalidate all of the points that they are making?  Absolutely not.

Anyone saying the latter, the "You're just regurgitating Fox News" crowd:  

I don't care if they're quoting Hannity directly--clearly they at least agree with some of these ideas.  And there are reasons why.  Just saying someone is brainwashed (true or otherwise) disregards these reasons and their feelings.  I think that this phenomena has contributed to where we are now, certainly:  there were and are a LOT of people that feel disregarded and ignored, enough that they were willing to overlook blatant racism and misogyny to just simply be heard.  What is so important to people that they are willing to overlook other warning signs?  Have you asked or listened for the answer?  And why silence more people in the same way?  

I find this tactic almost as offensive as "You're just an entitled millennial" or "You're a woman; what do you know?"  Again, taking an opinion or characteristic about a person to disregard their whole argument gets us nowhere. 

What have you done to help broaden their news base?  Have you been constantly critical of what they're doing or have you made some neutral suggestions?  Yes, there is a way to introduce new ideas without being an ass about it or belittling their choices.  Find out what these concerns are instead of writing them off.  Allow people who feel that have been ignored to freely speak again.  That's where we'll find common ground.  I'm going to say this again and plainly:  these people have legitimate concerns, too.

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So what does this all mean?  I'll start with "Stop trying to take shortcuts out of arguments just because someone challenged something you said."  Facebook is not actually full of only people who agree with you, believe it or not, and freedom of speech is not only for people that agree with you.  If you're going to voice a thought publicly, chances are someone is going to view things a different way.  If you cannot handle that responsibility, reconsider posting.  If you're going to instigate a conversation, have a conversation rather than a shouting match. 

Seriously, at least keep the name calling out of it.

Tips for Sticking to Your Weight-Loss Resolutions

Hey, all!  The gym that I go to is certainly seeing its influx of new people with the start of another year, and I have see more than one person I know remark about promises they have made to themselves for the coming year regarding their weight and health.  Last year, I happened to have a very successful experience, shedding about 45 pounds and otherwise moving toward a better health standard--while I'm not an expert, I have a few things to share with you about the experience.

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1.  When it comes to exercise, find something you like, something realistic
What I mean by that is that if cross-fit doesn't excite you, don't do cross-fit.  Also, don't expect to be an Olympian triathlete in a couple of months.  Me?  I like Zumba and yoga.  Andy likes racquetball or something that involves a game.  But maybe you don't feel comfortable jumping into an hour long aerobic routine--then start with water aerobics instead or making sure you get on a bike for fifteen minutes a day or going for a walk, building up to something larger over time instead of killing yourself two weeks in.

2.  Have others hold you accountable
A sticker chart works wonders for some people, but maybe not everyone.  Have a friend politely ask you every now and again how your progress is going.  Find a workout buddy.  Sometimes, it would be as simple as telling my Zumba instructor "see you again on Thursday!"  Now, she probably wouldn't say anything about it to me later, but making that statement aloud was a self-edification that held me to that promise.

3.  Reward yourself reasonably
I did not reward myself for sticking to my keto diet each day with a big ol' plate of pasta.  I did (and still do) grab a fun-size chocolate something out of Andy's candy chest at work once in a while.  I told myself that I could have one cheat day a week, where I didn't follow my carb count precisely.  This cheat day could be pizza or it could be a catch-all for a day I might have not realized how many carbs are in kidney beans, meaning that my cheat day was also my safety net.  I've gotten to the point now where I'm so used to the diet I don't use my cheat days as often as I used to. 

I like to reward myself with some retail therapy every now and again, particularly as some of my clothing just doesn't seem to fit right anymore.  For anyone planning on losing weight, I strongly suggest that you find articles of clothing that fit you along the way instead of waiting to go buy a whole new wardrobe once you have achieved some magic, shining goal-weight.  Have at least some clothing that makes you feel good wherever you are now.

4.  Track yourself
I went with MyFitnessPal.  It's a free site/phone app combination where you can track everything that you take in and what calories you "get back" from exercising.  There are a lot of things pre-programmed in from all kinds of restaurants and products.  Even recipes from my main keto site have already been added by someone.  Before you make any changes, try getting a baseline of what your intake actually is--this will be revealing for its own sake.  Whether you use an app or a journal or whathaveyou, document what you're doing.

5.  Consider your Metrics
How are you going to measure your progress?  Is it some particular weight or dress size or running a mile in a set time?  Not only should you set an end goal, but you should also set some supplementary goals.  My goal was "improvement of health," which was (and is) a very vague goal.  It was easy to get discouraged without defining how I was going to measure that.  So I kept track of how I was feeling.  I kept track of what I was eating and staying within my macros.  I kept track of my overall endurance for how much I could do in a day.  I took a before picture, and it was one of the best decisions I made for myself--it was much harder to argue with a picture. 

Maybe the numbers are not reflecting on the scale as fast as you'd like, but there might be a pair of pants fitting looser, visible muscle tone peaking out, a workout routine that doesn't exhaust you as much as it used to, etc.  Really consider what standards you're holding yourself to and include more than one mode of measuring.

Additionally, how often you measure is worth considering.  With my keto goals, I found that considering my carb count as a week instead of a day to day made it easier to forgive myself if I went a little over--I balanced out somewhere else in the week.  In other words, I entered in my calorie and carb counts daily, but considered them holistically.  With my weight (again, the perk rather than the goal of my plan), I choose to only weigh myself once a week or, frankly, when I felt that I had lost weight and wanted to record a positive number in MyFitnessPal. 

Is there a time limit and, if so, why?  For me, I wanted to be in a better state of health before our trip to Norway--I had about a year to be "better."  Is your timeline realistic?  Do you give yourself enough flexibility for life to get in the way on occasion or for those inevitable plateaus that happen from time to time?


6.  Be honest with yourself
This is easily the hardest part. 

I've been frustrated before with my weight, that I had been trying to lose weight but didn't get anywhere.  When I really look at the numbers, when I really look at what I was doing, I wasn't putting my full effort into it.  It was very hard to admit that to myself.  I hadn't actually committed to trying, just a series of half-assed ideas that didn't stay for longer than two weeks.

That means reporting the good and bad, putting in the mini-chocolate bar in my calorie counts and knowing that if I didn't make it to the gym one day I would try to make it up on another day.  Acknowledging where I fell short, and then moving on.  Acknowledging, too, when I was doing well.

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And stick with it, my friends.  Even if your resolution only lasts a month, a month's worth of being better to yourself is still a good thing.  The change that I saw happened over the course of a year, meaning I plateued here and there, but I stuck through those times.  

Also, I still don't tire of people telling me that I look great and neither will you. 

A New Year Begins

I believe I have mentioned this before, but my brother and I have a superstition that how your New Year's Eve goes in an indicator to how your year might play out.  Funny thing, the person who introduced us to that superstition proposed to his girlfriend this New Year's Eve, so I would say he is off to a wonderful start (love you, Cuz!).  Well, this year, Andy and I had some us time where we played Civilization V and watching Grand Tour on Amazon Prime.  Not sure what that's going to mean for us, but it seems more promising than otherwise.

Around 11, we watched the EST ball drop.  Andy turned to me and said that his gut feeling that this was not going to be a good year, that is was going to be overall positive for us but not a good one for the rest of the world.  I cannot be completely sure where this portence stems, but I suspect more that it is a compilation of many things. 

Here's part of the truth, at least--the keys to the bunkers will be changing hands.  What I mean by that is that persons have been saying that the previous administration was the end of the world are emerging from hiding and the previously optimistic are now seeing signs of the end times.  

And this comes back again to this whole empathy thing.  There have been MILLIONS of people that feel their voice has not been heard.  They have been labeled as all kinds of things by "liberal elites" or "backwards conservatives" alike.  Irrelevant, for starters.  Our voices, regardless of which side of the fence we land, have felt ignored.  And we have collectively demonized the "other" side.  Some parts of our country have only known fear, for judgement against who they are or who they love, and now have that fear amplified.  Others don't care how things change as long as they change somehow.  Others still don't really care about the world because what is right in front of them is barely holding together.  Some walk through the world certain that they deserve every good thing that good fortune doles out and, worse so, begin to feel that those without that good fortune must deserve it.  

We have lost sight of the real enemy, at least in part because we have lost sight of each others' humanity. 

Pull back from the problem and all of the distracting labels that we throw in there.  We are all part of this world.  We have nothing but opportunity at this point to make changes.  I have mentioned my disdain before about New Year's Resolutions because I feel that any time is a good time to make a positive change for yourself, but as you consider this year, what things can you do to make even your small part of the world better?  Where can you show kindness (even to yourself)?  Or if you're going to be part of some bigger change, work toward that goal with confidence.

We're all in this together.