Apart from the usual alarm clock or general discomfort of a full bladder, every morning also has the sound of crinkling plastic. As soon as I start moving around, my body wakes up enough that Melvin starts to stir with a couple of morning farts, sounding like air escaping out of a balloon, sometimes; this causes some additional crinkling sound.
Let's say it's a bag change day. It's a good idea to get this going before breakfast, trying to decrease the likelihood of extra pooping while I'm taking care of business.
I've got all of my supplies laid out, having pulled everything together in a bin and now laying it out on the counter: the bag itself, the part that sticks to my skin directly (waiting to be cut to the right size), powder for any oozy skin, skin protectorant, adhesive putty, a mirror to get a better angle of how components are fitting, and a trash bag to place the old appliance in. The teal bin has a few other pieces, including a liquid deodorant (that works a little bit) and a measuring utensil, to help inform whether I need to cut the appliance to a different size.
First, I have to pull the old appliance off, gently peeling the adhesive from my skin and exposing the bright pink swatch of large intestine. I'll grab either some toilet paper or a couple of tissues to wipe away the excess poop from the site and put that in the bag as well. Then, it's time to check the skin around the site, what will ultimately be covered up again to make sure that no part of said skin is breaking down at all. If the skin is oozing or unhealthy, this could lead to trouble with the adhesive sticking which could then lead to leakage (or a full "blow-out," as I call it) and then ultimately more issues for my skin, including infection. Any place that looks a little angry I hit first with the stoma powder, brushing off any excess, to help dry it out. Then, I'll wipe everything down with a no-sting (a.k.a. alcohol free) swab that puts a thin layer on the top of my skin to help protect it. I'm quite pleased at how much of a difference this can make.
Then, my favorite part: I get to shower without an appliance. Our showerhead pulls off and I will wash this site directly first, but then I get to shower without worry. I think everyone at some point has noticed streams of water pouring down from an elbow and redirected the flow down their fingertips, possibly in a game to see how long they could create a continuous trickle or make it stronger or whatever else. On non-bag change days, I play an advanced version of this game: position the body in such a way that water is directed away from the bag. Now, the appliance can absolutely get wet--swimming, showering, whatever isn't an issue--but I have a fear that if it gets too wet that the adhesive might not stick as well, given some bag issues I had had in the past with my old site. And aside from that fear, keeping a wet something against my skin underneath my clothes for a few hours as it slowly, slowly dries out is uncomfortable. Andy came up with the brilliant idea of spraying the bag with some ScotchGuard each time (there is a layer of a fabric-type surface under the bag, so it's not just plastic against the body directly), and I think this does help though it cannot work absolutely. So, yes, a shower where I can turn and face any direction without worrying about it is quite nice.
After the shower, I dry off--carefully pat dry around the ostomy site--and then I go to my station. I cut the appliance to size. In time, I might be able to get some that are pre-cut to my size, but the ostomy site is still healing and therefore changing. Then, I work on manipulating the putty around into a ring that fits around my site, using my best playdoh-snake-making skills. I've taken to applying this ring directly around the stoma. Then, I'll peel that backing off of the appliance and lay that gently on my abdomen. Once that is securely placed, I will clip the bag to that.
For the next few minutes, I get ready one-handed as I keep the other over the new bag site, using the warmth of my body to help the adhesive stick.
And, ta-dah!, we have a fresh bag. If you notice any blue in the bottom of the bag, that's a squirt of the deodorant fluid in there. Change completed, it's time to get on with the rest of the day. I will need a new one every three to five days, or so, assuming that there are no leaks in the meanwhile. Everything else is pretty familiar: drying hair, putting on clothes, makeup, accessories, and then down to breakfast. At this point in my recovery, I'm not keen on bending over more than I have to because I'm very aware of the appliance in that moment and it can be uncomfortable; this will feel normal in time.
Currently, there's a three-month supply pile of my different ostomy parts on the floor in the bathroom, also in need of finding a forever home, but there's something about that which feels more final to me, that knowing I will have a permanent place to put bags and adhesive putty and all else away means that I'm making room for it in my life. That feels more final than acknowledging the plastic attached to my side, maybe because I do change that every so often. There are points when this reality hits home hard, where I feel three shades of down that my continued care required this situation. There are also points where it hits softly, with a gentle, "yep, that's life now" kind of flippancy. I've only found a couple patterns as to what throws me down which path yet, but I imagine there will be enough clarity in time to hash it out more fully later.
Where it stands now, my mood truly does fluctuate with how I'm feeling physically--understandably, given that my anxiety and depression are so linked in with my medical situation. Now with things going reasonably well, I have the freedom to feel what I want to, which requires a different recalibration. I'm still tired, bones-deep tired, as we continue to argue with insurance and I re-send three different documents back to HR because I have not been very lucky with reading their mind correctly the first time (and have suggested that verbage be added to the damn rules, if it's so important to be a certain way).
I suppose things are too fresh to have something all that deep yet.
The morning routine done, the rest of the day awaits.
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