Adventures with Self-Important Technology

Over the past few weeks, I've driven a handful of different cars, having had a couple of rental cars for work and a few other shufflings.  The last one was a Hyundai Elantra, but the T had fallen off of the back so it was a Hyundai "Elan Ra," which brought a particular smile to my face.

As I was getting used to this car, I quickly found out that it had Lane Assist, meaning if it felt that I was getting too close to the lines, it would pull the steering wheel over a bit to recenter in my lane or if I crossed the line beep and do some of the same.  I tend the hug the outside line a bit, particularly when I'm passing a semi.  While I was clearly in the lines, the system kept pulling me back in--it was like fighting a windstorm, always correcting against where the wheel was pulling.  If this were my actual car, I would probably turn this feature off--the number of times it annoyed me compared to the number of times it did something helpful didn't much seem worth it.  Additionally, there was a constant warning on the dashboard, a little yield sign--I came to find out that the sign was because I didn't have my phone connected to the app on the car.

Silly self-important technology.  It's like when the microwave keeps beeping to let me know something is still in there even though I want to leave it in there for another moment or two to cool down slightly or because I'm in the middle of another task.  Technology tends have at least some response, as compared to something completely inanimate object, which I think adds to the response.  The feature of the technology is there to help, but when it is filtered through a layer of annoyance, I begin to attribute its urgency to an inflated sense of importance.  Here are some other examples:  

• Our Volt has a lot of judgmental beeps when we're reversing into the garage, that it "thinks" we're far too close when Andy and I are correctly sure that we have enough space.  
• Automatic toilets flush three times, as though wondering what you're still doing there. 
• When a screen tells me that my password is wrong, I tend to grumble "no YOUR password is wrong" under my breath even thought it's nonsensical.  
• Windows updates decide it's a good idea to happen today, whether you want to or not.  
• The internet says it's connected but my broken image says that the settings are made of LIES.  
• "Your call is important to us so we're going to send you through a broken phone tree for half an hour." 
• You must download the latest update of Java before you can continue
• You must download two hours of updates before you can play that new game you just bought. 
• An unknown error has occurred--please contact your administrator.  
• The printer is not connected to the network. 

I get annoyed very quickly when my technology expresses a need, though I understand that I'm far more frustrated if it doesn't tell me what's wrong.  Still, there have been several times our household where I have thrusted my laptop toward Andy, wordlessly asking that he fix something that I have lost patience for.  I've said many times that I have patience for people but I don't have patience for technology.

And yet, my job is to teach other people to use our company's software with calm and patience.  I have told people several times that the software is not passive aggressive, that it identifies what the problem is but we need to take a breath, read, and act on the message.  This has ultimately bled into some of my work behaviors, that when I have a test database up I will get frustrated when it's running slow (I do have three databases on my poor work laptop, after all) but when I run into an error in the program it's better than in other features of the computer.  Specifically, anything with hardware pushes my buttons really quickly, that I just cannot seem to stand why the printer isn't visible to my computer or why it thinks it's out of toner already.

Reflecting on this with the Elan Ra, I thought about a short article I had read recently.  The general point of the article was that anyone that seemed like they were blowing up about something completely inconsequential might just be being stupid, but more likely that individual has had many other small injuries and stressors against their patience and this small thing just happened to be the final straw.  When I could feel the annoyance rise as the car tried to--yet again--pull me over to the right as I was passing on the left, I asked myself where else was I angry? 

And then I see things like this that capture it succinctly

For me, I have a lot of anger about my health situation--I'm not mad at God or myself, specifically, but more at the situation.  Sometimes, it is anger at myself or a doctor, but more so it tends to be the general frustration that I have with my body, that it doesn't perform the way I thought it should or ran out of energy before I wanted to leave or shouldn't be responding the way it was or otherwise trying to process the feeling of betrayal.  My body has proved untrustworthy, in some ways.  I find the people that seem to have the best compassion by identification for this facet are those who are experiencing significant changes with their body in aging, those with sharp minds but slowing bodies.  Not having something tangible to direct my anger to meant that I swallow a lot of it.  With that hidden, unvented anger, a computer tends to be a target that doesn't take a lot of offense--it's not something I have to apologize later to.  Whether this is wholly accurate, I think it at least makes a flavor of sense why technology issues are places where I have a short fuse.

I'm learning to have more compassion toward my body.  Hopefully, this will also lessen the degree of anger that I carry toward it, as well.  In talking to clients, I encourage them to have patience with their technology in ways I'm not great at myself; in talking to friends, I encourage them to have compassion toward their bodies in ways that I am trying to grow, too.  But then, I've known for a while that I'm not great at giving myself the same grace I would give other people.  Awareness helps, but the frameshift is just going to take some time, yet.