Doctor's Orders

I ended up using Teladoc for the first time this summer, and it was a pretty cool experience.  I have been doing mental health calls over the phone without incident since March, but reaching out for something that was strictly physical, that was slightly different.  There are a lot of ways that telehealth can help us connect safely in this time, but also connect to places that maybe don't have all of the same resources:  people might have access to a phone or an internet connection even if there isn't a major hospital nearby, and persons that can't get to the doctor's office because they cannot travel there for one reason or another can still facilitate that conversation.  In short, in removes barriers, even folks who have anxiety talking to a healthcare professional have some additional security. 

So, the nurse I spoke with agreed with my assessment of things and set a prescription rolling to my pharmacy of choice.  And then she ended the conversation with the direction to make sure that I follow up with my primary care physician in X amount of time.  I thought momentarily about my school schedule over the next chunk of time, and had the distinct internal assertion "Yeah, I'm not doing that." 

I've been thinking a fair bit about how I might handle this attitude with my future patients.  I know a lot about my case, and I have taken many, many efforts to understand my case.  I am also in tune with my body in some specific ways, and I express my patient's rights, including the responsibility of being active within my own care.  These are all things I've intentionally practiced and unfortunately have a lot of practice practicing.  And yet, there are still places where I make choices, and I accept responsibility for them.  Therein lies that mindset that I'll need:  everyone is free to make their own choices, but the poor choices they make toward their health will not be from ignorance or misinformation.  I will challenge choices are made on bad science, ignorance, or a lack of information.  Simultaneously, I will let it go when someone expresses that they have taken culpability for their own choice.  

Now, how does this apply to wearing masks?  Wear a fucking mask.  When people advocate for not wearing masks, they're not advocating to have the freedom of choice:  they are advocating for the freedom to put other people at risk.  If you like to drink alcohol for example, I accept your choice to drink or not drink, but I absolutely have things to say about endangering other people by driving drunk.  In other words, saying that you won't wear a mask because you are uncomfortable is the same energy as saying that you plan to drive home roaring drunk rather than call a cab.  Full stop.  

I'll say it again:  the masks are to protect other people, where when we all accept roles in society we mutually protect each other.  Stubbornly saying that you have the right to put other people at risk--to take away their choice--is not okay.  What choices you make for yourself, I won't interfere; but when your choices are actively hurting other people, that's where the censure belongs.  We also agree as a society to obey stoplight signals, for the safety of other drivers--saying that you don't want to wait and blowing through a red light has consequences, not because it is a biblical commandment, but because it was a societally constructed rule created to keep persons safe.  So are mask rules.  This is why the internet is shaming these persons and why we as a compassionate society need to enforce the rules.  

Two additional points: 

• If the mask is truly stopping you from breathing--ignoring a great deal of people erroneously making that claim--then you ABSOLUTELY should not be out, meaning that you are at the greatest risk.  
• For folks invoking the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) I want to be very clear that the ADA does not give you carte blanche to do whatever you want.  Instead, it grants you the right to reasonable accommodation.  What does that mean?  It means that you should still have access to the same things, even if this looks slightly different such as curbside pickup for groceries (instead of going into a store), access to the community meeting, a bathroom stall that you can operate in, etc.  In other words, the ADA is a mandate to ensure that persons that need accommodations have those accommodations; it is not to be used as a weapon to demand certain rules don't apply to someone that is mildly inconvenienced.  

Advice

There are a lot of uncertainties right now in the world.  And folks in our nursing program are feeling a very particular brand of this pressure right now.  We could not be in person for this first stretch of class, most notably the labs and clinicals.  It is difficult to, say, practice IV insertion without a manikin arm or needles because they were not something dispersed in our supplies kit, for safety, certainly.  It's not what anyone was hoping for, but it's what we have to do for the time being.  Fall hasn't been fully sorted out yet, for that matter.

We have staff steadily working to design ways to provide both practice and make-up times, pantomiming what parts we can in the meanwhile.  In short, we're focusing very much on that essential nursing skill of flexibility with a touch of improvisation.  I have some folks within my circle that can provide me with some assurances, too, that some hospitals have a specific hiring process for new nurse graduates that involves additional training time that is likely to be altered to reflect these kinds of needs.  It seems that most hospitals have some kind of onboarding process that includes how certain skills are to be done to the facility's policy specifics.  

That said, that's the logical side of things.  Fear isn't always logical.  And with so many things uncertain in this time, well, I've also had some shower conversations with myself.  

I've spun the internal argument to my shampoo bottles a few different ways, ensuring my hypothetical employer that I am worth taking the risk, that I there is less that they will have to unteach me and that otherwise I am a fast learner that is comfortable asking questions.  

And I also think of a piece of advice that I was given a while back now.  There was a man in this group that said there were times he felt inadequate.  Everyone at the table immediately began to insist that he was capable and other kinds of sincere rebuttal, all of which he waved off and continued:  "I may not be the best man for the job, but I'm going to work hard enough that it isn't going to make a difference."  

I have been thinking about this a lot in my current context.  My circumstances in nursing school are no one's fault, and I will still bear the weight of the effects, but I will practice and I will work hard enough that it's not going to make a difference.  

The feelings of frustration are real; so is my determination as well as my resignation that the situation isn't what anyone expected.  All exist in the same space.  

...aaaaaand even with that momentary boost of confidence and certainty, it's time to panic about the three tests I have next week.

Peterson Family Update, #782

Whelp, SOMEHOW, life has this weird way of continuing onward.  I had about a half-dozen different ideas of what I was going to write this week and with all of my course readings, each of them has decidedly fallen out of my brain.

**Time to Deploy the Bulleted List of Random Thoughts!**

• I am still doing all of my class readings.  It's interesting to me to see some folks in the group assert that they don't, as though it were a point of pride.  Simultaneously, I don't think that I'm morally superior for having done the reading (particularly around Sunday evening when there was a lot more skimming happening than when I started).  I do it because I know how I study and have specific goals for what I want out of the program.  Again, no moral judgement, but it strikes me as interesting how doing no readings and doing all readings can be very odd bragging points.  
• Black lives still matter, folks, even when it's not trending on Twitter anymore.  
• Even though we would like to ignore COVID-19, it is, in point of fact, indifferent to our boredom and spreading remarkably fast.  Pretending something doesn't exist does not magically make it not exist.  
• I have had the good fortune of good groups in all of my group projects thus far.  I know that I have jinxed myself terribly for all subsequent terms, but I also needed to express that gratitude.  
• We are in week eight of the term, over the halfway point.  ...and cue the mad laughter.  I feel as though time has flown in the same breath that I feel as though I have slogged through some components impossibly slow.  And then some other moments where I've run fast as I can just to stay in the same place.  
• There was a lot of pressure at the beginning of the program, where professors and other leaders would remark repeatedly on how close-knit these groups tend to be, leaving me in a particular state of "GAH!  Must force friendship now!" in the back of my mind, while the rational part kicked in with a "dude, chill out, and let it develop."  Well, I have definitely found some folks in the program by this point.  I haven't worked with all members of our 38 person cohort yet since we're not all in every class together, but there are some people I've had the chance to actually get to know.  
• I have had some Ah-ha! moments in the material we're learning, places where things connect in a satisfying and applicable way.  In many other places, I simply don't know what I don't know.  It ebbs and flows.  
• Andy is still working from home, on the other side of my wall.  We've been in close quarters for almost four months, and he's still one of my favorite things in this world.  He, Mike, and I have all been doing well together as good roommates.  
• My older brother is staying with us for a week while my folks are working on the initial moving into the new house.  This naturally involves reshuffling of space and the like, but we are doing well with it.
• Andy's gotten a couple of housing projects under his skin:  the deck is about half painted so far, and the light fixture in the dining room is down, the new ceiling fan waiting on some additional consulting since the box was a weird size.  We still have a lot of ideas for that downstairs basement and might be ready to start compiling quotes soon, to at least get a fence around what resources we need yet.  
• I drove down to see my parents' new house this weekend--it was emphatically good to spend some time with them and get some pictures up on the walls.  I also enjoyed the quiet freedom of an hour drive down the highway and country roads, feeling my world start to expand ever so slightly.
• Realizing that I need to balance in some fun reading with my class reading--the tricky part is finding a book that is good enough that I want to keep picking it back up but also not so good that I get too absorbed and I read nothing else, which is where I've found myself a few times in the attempt.  It's partly why I've leaned more toward a movie or a video game as a nightly ritual instead of late.  
• Fall is not officially sorted out with ISU yet--there are a lot of questions that remain, but the sincerest hope of the group seems to be that we'll be in person as much as possible.  The world is evolving too quickly right now to have the answers so readily available.  I have my own suspicions and places where I would quietly place my bets, but it is speculation only.  In any case, the pace of my courses should slow a bit, and I'm looking forward to that if nothing else. I do hope to meet my peers in person sooner rather than later, though (provided we can do so safely, of course).  
• ...and I have a few tests to study for so that's about what I've got today.