Book Hangovers

 So, there's this particular feeling I've been working through lately, and honestly, the best way that I can think to explain it is like a book hangover.

What's a book hangover?  Great question.  Glad I pretended you asked.

No, it's not an official official term.  But picture this:  you've been thoroughly enjoying a book or maybe a streaming a tv series.  You've been waiting for a spot in your day--all day!--where you can read/watch just a little bit more.  Folks suggest plans after work and while you might be happy to join them, you also really just want to get back to your book/series.  Maybe you stayed up past one in the morning for just one more chapter/episode.  There's an excitement and a drive and you very much have something to look forward to.

...And then you reach the end.  All of that energy suddenly has no where to go, and it seems to fade into a disappointment of sorts.  There are no more chapters, no more episodes.  Even if it's a book in a series or there are more seasons or spinoffs, there tends to be a wall eventually.  There isn't something to look forward to in the same way.  The ending might have been **perfect** but the depression is still the same.  

Sometimes, it's easy to find the next thing to start on; other times it takes a while, wandering unattached and listless through the day, without that clear default or direction.  

Here's where that information comes into play:  I have been working for literal years now to prepare for nursing school, get into nursing school, dedicate my energy to learning in nursing school all in the goal to land a job as a practicing nurse.  I now have a job lined up for after nursing school, part of it starting up during the remainder of nursing school, actually.  I've been working through paperwork, fingerprinting, scheduling a physical, government forms, getting my employee picture taken, etc., and barring unforeseen disasters, it's real.  And I'm excited.

But I also feel a bit untethered at the moment.  The drive I had suddenly doesn't have the same direction and urgency as before.  The goal is altered a bit; I need to find my refocus.  There are certainly still things left to do--remaining clinicals and course material for this term, completing the final term, passing the NCLEX--but it feels different with the clarity of that next step.  The push to get an A in remaining courses is not as important, for example, as ensuring that I am prepared for the NCLEX itself, which in turn will dictate how I allocate my study time.  And even after that, the push to understand and apply the information in my courses is more important to said job than responses to first-level questions in courses, meaning that how I approach studying in itself will similarly shift.   

In short:  I am beginning to process and participate in the shift from theory into practice.  Furthermore, I recognize that it's uncomfortable to refocus and find new patterns in the same breath that I'm confident I will be able to find that next great drive of energy forward.  I have a quite few goals yet to do, including WOC certification and eventually writing a book about experiences in living with a stoma, as a resource for both patients and their families going through something similar.    

But in the meanwhile, I need to experience the recalibration.