Peterson Family Update? Peterson Family Update.

I blinked and July was gone?  Seriously, what happened?  

A lot.  A lot happened, actually.  Let's talk about that.

• I am at my one-year mark of being a nurse.  A full year.  Holy crow.  I have learned SO much and experienced so many things, and yet I'm very much aware of how much I have to learn.  I feel like I am part of the team, that I have a sense of belonging and purpose to go with my title.  I also know what a "good" day and a "bad" day feel like, meaning I have a stronger basis for comparison to start forming my own opinions and ideas on improvement in my flow and the unit's flow in general.  One pattern I've established in the last month is to get at least two patient assessments charted before starting morning med pass, meaning that I'm holding less information in my brain when all of the momentum of the morning really takes off--knowing that at least I have accomplished that one thing makes me feel better about those moments where my time is dictated for me.  It's been a small but important change, helping me find a better rhythm getting into the day.  
• Luna already knows "do a barrel roll" for roll over, "revolution" for spinning in a circle, and "spot" meaning come to a certain area and lay down, in addition to more common commands like sit, come, and shake.  We're working on a new one now:  "eclipse."  This involves Luna covering her eyes with her paws.  As with many things, she can be pretty smart when there is food involved, yet she is still in the beginning stages of trying to suss out what behavior she needs to do specifically to get the food.  
• I am part of class through work that has some additional ostomy information, that upon passing I would have the Ostomy Care Associate certification.  Some of their tips are "well, duh!" to me from my lived experience, but there have been a lot of important things that I've picked up, now to make it absolutely worth my time.  I tend to be happiest when I'm learning something new.
• I got to go to Family Camp for a chunk of it this year, for the first time in a while on Lake Geneva.  I hit some of the favorite highlights:  Pop and I went sailing on the catamaran, I played pinochle, we went on a lakeside walk to get ice cream, and otherwise I was able to catch up with folks a wee bit.  It's neat to re-meet family as a different person, sharing the ways that I have grown and meeting them as they are now, too, rather than my memory of them.  I was interested to see what Family Camp would mean to me now as an adult compared to staying in my swimsuit all day while playing games and swimming and sailing with my cousins growing up.  
• One cousin pointed out that I haven't been to camp much since I got married; I countered that this was a coincidence of timing but not inaccurate, because I had significant health issues that started ten days after Andy and I were married.  Ten years since that summer, circling the drain and back again, with all of the healing and adjusting that entailed.  Strange to think about, how my life permanently changed in many ways that year.  
• Mike has been preparing to start a new education journey at Heartland, starting some courses toward radiology.  I've taken some of the same courses at Heartland as prerequisites for nursing school, probably still have my notes somewhere.  Looking forward to talking shop with him and his new adventures!
• Mike also has a kick-ass new tattoo.  
• I bought a new phone case.  Andy says it looks like it came from Claire's.  There is a lot of floating glitter and pretty colors, along with plastic rhinestones.  It makes me happy.
• Our household has been very much enjoying rock climbing at Upper Limits.  We've been going there a couple of months, now, and it has been so encouraging to see actual, tangible progress. Mike enjoys more of the bouldering aspect while Andy and I have focused more on top rope.  Things we stared at and went "yeah, that's impossible," we're starting to try.  There have been many bumps and colorful bruises along with this, including a notable smash that broke the screen of my FitBit because, of course, I managed to hit it just so.  It's physical and puzzle-solving and requires effective communication with your partner.  
• We like rock climbing enough to take a mini-vacation to St. Louis, where the sister-gyms of our Upper Limits are.  Honestly, though, Andy and I don't recall the last time we took a vacation that wasn't completely packed with plans or focused on a particular event.  It's just a couple of nights, but it's been nice to just take some time for ourselves.  Three rock climbing gyms in two days, though, means my arms and back have some rather loud opinions.

But now, the Big Update:   

As I was preparing to leave Family Camp, I saw that I had missed a call from Andy.  I called him back and let him know that I was going to be heading out shortly, but he had news for me.  Rivian had announced that they would be cutting their staff by 6%:  Andy had just been told that he would be part of that, that his position had been eliminated.  

I may have sped a little more on my way home than I would have normally.  I also may have been trying to hold back my own tears, because that does make for difficult driving.  There is grief.  There is panic.  There is a degree of anger.  There is more grief.  We still have positive feelings toward the company as a whole, but, oof, it's hard not be hurt by that.  

All of our insurance has been through Andy's job.  And some of you may recall from a previous post that I am rather expensive to keep alive, that there are many, many absurd problems in our current healthcare system that would readily see me out to dry.  So, yes, part of my processing in this already difficult process was some sympathetic nervous system activation from good ol' PTSD.  I do not feel safe; I am on constant alert; it is exhausting.  

The only reason I'm a degree of okay right now is that we have some continuing coverage as part of the severance plan.  We have a few months to figure things out.  I'm insistent that Andy take at least a month to reevaluate what he wants from here.  Then we can start running the numbers and see what we actually need, dig into the research to find a solution.  There will be many, many spreadsheets involved.  Both grief and knowledge that we'll find our next right steps exist in the same space.