Dichotomous Thinking

I am not a fan of absolute statements.  There are a few absolutes out there, but there are a lot of things that have exceptions.  I like to leave space for those.  This frustrates Andy to no end when he's trying to get an answer out of me.  He'll ask me if we can do X or Y tonight and I'll reply with something akin to "most likely," not because I'm trying to be coy but because I cannot predict the future to know if some emergency will pop up or if either of us will run out of energy by that point or whatever else.  Sometimes, these are exercises in abstract thinking, I confess, trying to find the obscure reason why something is/isn't or will/won't, as my dedication to the idea continues and just the way my imagination works.  More often, though, it's about that space, leaving room for deviations and exceptions.

Consequently, when I hear someone use "this person ALWAYS/NEVER does X" or "people are either Y or Z" without acknowledging even backhandedly that there are other choices and shades of grey out there, I tend to feel a degree of doubt creep in around that speaker and their assertions.  Sometimes it's a sliver of doubt; sometimes it's a hefty helping of doubt, depending on the context.  

The world is richer in greys than it is in black and white.  Subtle value adds depth, adds meaning, when viewing the full picture.  

But we like our false dichotomies.  "If you're not with us, you're against us;" "my side or their side;" "democrat or republican;" "dog person or cat person."  These are easy.  They are comfortable.  We like patterns as humans, things that help us quickly put situations and people in boxes.  These don't serve us in all situations.  In fact, they are counterproductive in many.  We lose that value, that depth, and often someone's humanity in those spaces.  

There is a difference between a declarative statement and an absolute, and there are places where they can be confused.  An observation of the moment or circumstance can have a declaration.  If it then becomes something permanent, that it is the only way or generalized to all circumstances, that's where we negate other possibilities and create a false perception.  

I want to be precise in my language, which sometimes means I fail at being concise--I'm working on this.  Sometimes, I feel a rewording or adding in the full scene is helpful but respect that the recipient may hold a different opinion.  Ultimately, leaving space also furthers honesty, attempting to be more transparent by acknowledging the edges.  It is meant to further clarity, assert sincerity, rather than muddy the waters, though I know that's not always the impact.  

I tell my patients that I know better than to speak many absolutes in my field, when they are trying to pin my down on answers about timing or why their doctor is doing X or what will happen after Z.  I tell Andy a percentage when I don't feel I can give an authentic, firm yes or no.  And I tell myself that keeping a space for new ideas means that I can continue to grow and find those different perspectives.