So if you have missed all of the different posts from myself and especially Andy, we're pro-Bernie Sanders, enough so that we have been involved in making phone calls and canvasing and whatever other volunteer work we could do for his campaign.
Now, I'm perfectly fine with striking up a conversation with a complete stranger--I get that from my dad and I've had plenty of practice in retail. What makes this situation different is the subject matter. Weather is always a safe topic, I could always talk about lotion and candles when I worked at Bath & Body Works, but it's a social rule that when you're meeting someone you do not discuss politics. And here we were going door to door specifically to talk politics.
Even given that confidence, it was a bit nerve-wracking. I had resigned myself to messing up the first two interactions before I found a groove, which seemed to help. Once I had settled into my own script, it started being fun.
Andy and I talked to quite a few people that day and a handful of people on another day. We had productive conversations, whether or not we agreed with each other or were backing the same candidate. We respected each other and talked about the state of things--everyone could agree that our political climate is a bit of a circus at the moment. For a few hours, we could remember that people with differing opinions aren't necessarily represented by YouTube/Facebook comments.
When someone does not have to face the person that they are bad-mouthing, they're much more free to be nasty about it. There is freedom in that distance and especially in anonymity. I've seen people post some ridiculous things on Facebook because they seem to have forgotten that everyone they know can see it--there's been more than one story of cheaters getting caught or other people charged with crimes because of evidence they put on Facebook. I've also seen people post very hurtful things, inconsiderate of a person's feelings because they seem to have forgotten there is a person on the other side. Arguments stop attacking ideas and start attacking people when they have run out of intelligent things to add, dissolving into worthless name-calling. I haven't been blocking many people, but I have started avoiding Facebook.
However, Trump is a YouTube comment come to life. Yes, he says anything he wants to, but that doesn't mean it's an opinion worth hearing or worth repeating. People blame him for inciting violence and racism--I would argue that he's released something that was already there.
Ever been in a group and people are talking against something? A movie or a show or something innocuous, maybe. Inside, you might be thinking that you actually quite enjoyed the subject in question, but many people will not voice that opinion until someone else speaks up. Once someone else has spoken your opinion aloud, it's easy and relieving to have someone that agrees with you, then the two of you might carry the conversation forward. I think that racism and other prejudices have functioned in a similar way. People have harbored these opinions, but now there's a loud voice out there that has started saying what they have been thinking all along--now it's okay to say it, too. If someone else agrees with that opinion, then perhaps there is some validity to it and it can be said more confidently. This has exploded into a sickening showing of racism, Islamophobia, sexism, and other displays of hatred and intolerance.
All in all, I want to think that people are shocked at how much bigotry their neighbors have been harboring.
So two thoughts on that.
1. In order for a society to get along, we have to be able to put aside differences to work together. The idea that the United States is going to strong-arm everyone into doing what we want is not a solid social policy, just like demanding that your group of friends always do what you want to do is not going to keep many of those friends. There is give and take. There needs to be compromise. There needs to be respect. At the end of the day, you can disagree with me or someone else all you want, but that does not give you the right to threaten, injure, harass, etc. Freedom of speech goes both ways. Freedom of speech does not protect you from hearing opinions you don't like; freedom of speech protects you from the government or other forces choosing what you can say. Even if I cannot convince you that prejudices against a certain group are wrong, you still will probably have to coexist with fellow citizens that are part of that group and they are entitled to the same set of rights that you are.
2. What has further manifested these prejudices and grown them over time is that we can't seem to actually talk about them. No, I mean really talk about them. Not a shouting match on the news, not a series of memes with Facebook comments, I mean an actual discussion, where diverse opinions and backgrounds are part of the group, instead of re-hashing the same in a homogeneous echo chamber.
When I was working in retail, I remember telling Andy a story from work where myself and the other ladies working felt threatened by a man's actions. Andy didn't understand why we felt threatened and was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. My husband is wonderfully empathetic, but he does not fully understand what it is to be a woman. I know that I don't understand what it's like to be a man just like I know I don't understand what it's like being black. And so we had a discussion. Andy did not know what my perspective of the event was until I told him. I don't think that Andy now understands what it's like to be a woman, but I know that he trusts me well enough to believe me when I say I felt threatened and that whether this was the intent or not from the man in question it was still the result. One person does not get to dictate the correct way for someone else to respond--if someone says that you hurt their feelings, you say "sorry" not "no, I didn't."
So what I'm getting to, then, is this: we need more conversations with strangers. And I mean actual conversations. Going in with an open mind and not just the intent on brow-beating someone over to your opinion. Considering that people are coming in with a perspective and history that you may know nothing about. Having actual face-to-face conversations to remove the anonymity of the internet. And talking about the big things, things really needing discussion instead of shying away from uncomfortable topics. And once we've figured out how to talk about the hard things with people we don't know, then we can start talking about them with the people that we do, which might be harder still.
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