Given both the audience that I have had on the previous two posts and the severity of the subject matter, I've had a very hard time trying to decide what I should follow it up with. As such, I have started four or five posts and have been working on them simultaneously, hoping that whatever piece should follow will follow.
And then I told myself to calm the hell down.
Clearly what I had written resonated with a lot of people, in our church and otherwise. Many people were not aware of the problems in the church or certainly the depth of the problems. I wanted to help others find words. And now I have ultimately put a lot of pressure on myself, not writing because I wanted to make my next post another gesture and ultimately not marking anything as good enough and then getting so busy in various life requirements that I wasn't writing at all. As such, I have come to two conclusions.
1. Not producing something is certainly not the answer. I've given myself the freedom before to have small posts, ones that didn't need to have some great overarching purpose, and I need to reclaim that for myself.
2. I am working toward what I need to be doing on the individual level for our church, and I will continue to suggest very strongly that everyone else be doing their own part for the betterment of our community. I cannot claim responsibility for where we all go from here.
And there we are. I find that I will likely write more about our church's struggles as they are dear to my heart and particularly because I still feel that not talking about our problems was what allowed them to continue. But I do not have to put that pressure on myself that everything I write be an epic. Instead, I acknowledge again that I am free to write here whatever I want to or need to, simultaneously glad to share it with you all.
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