I remember my trip to Scotland, junior year at Knox College, 2007. After all of that adventuring and ending my castle count at 14, it was finally time to go home. I had spent a few of the last days with some friends in London, wandering about in the best kinds of ways, and eating cup'o'noodles at the hostel (free hot water + 69p made for a cheap, hot meal--curry flavor with mango chutney was the best). I had a pound and forty-five pence left, but a lot of pictures and memories. I walked from my hostel to the Tube station, and headed toward Heathrow. After some confusion, I found my airline counter.
There was a woman in front of me that had two ENORMOUS, identical, army-green duffle bags. I could **comfortably** fit inside one duffle bag. It was fat enough that they had trouble stuffing it in the gap to pass luggage to the airline staff at the check-in, sticking out comically on both sides once they managed to do so. The airline staff was patiently trying to explain that the bag was simply too big to fly, let alone both of the bags. So, I had plenty of time to take my hardback suitcase and significantly smaller duffle bag to the self-weigh station, determined that I would not be quite so difficult for the staff today.
I had put all of the heavy textbooks and heavy anything, actually, in the suitcase. Since it had wheels and the duffle bag was going on my shoulder, I thought this would make the carrying of these much easier and otherwise the bag on my shoulder simply "felt" heavy since I was directly carrying it. The hardback suitcase--solid clamshell of green plastic--was too heavy. The don't-shoot-me-orange duffle bag had plenty of weight to spare. So I sat down on the floor near the scale with my open suitcase, moving sweaters from one and textbooks into the other. After fifteen minutes and three more re-weighings, both items were within acceptable parameters. The duffle bag person was still there, but I was waved over to the next station, checked both bags without incident, and was on my way toward security in about six minutes with only my backpack.
Andy and I had a nice heart to heart talk the other day. When we've been going through some of our individual trauma--involving my health, past relationships, and whatever else--we found that both of us were trying to shield the other from additional burdens by not sharing them. This has been a reoccurring problem for us, truth be told. We realized early in our marriage that shielding the other from our burdens to spare the other person the weight of them wasn't going to work. We needed to talk about things that were important to us, even if they weren't wholly pleasant. And we're definitely still working on this, particularly when we're in high stress situations. Andy had been trained to not express negative emotions or certainly to never be confrontational--I assure him that I want to know what he's thinking. I am working toward allowing myself to stay on those "negative" emotions when I need to, to process the anger I have surrounding my situation instead of stuffing it away.
Everyone has parts that they carry. Everyone's baggage is different, complex, and wholly their own, not to be measured in the same way as anyone else's. Here's one thing I've certainly come to understand: burdens don't just disappear after one piece of advice. Or to follow the analogy, as we go about out travel through life, we're already at the airport with all of that baggage, ready to travel onward to the next adventure. It's heavy. It's awkward. We're really prefer not to have to carry any of the luggage any further. And even if it's gone temporarily, it waits for us at the next stop. But sometimes, it's not about getting rid of it. We can redistribute our baggage to make it easier to carry.
We have a friend recently that didn't want to unload something important to them because they didn't want to add to our burdens. Unloading your baggage doesn't mean that someone else taking on those burdens--I don't offer to worry for someone whenever I take the time to listen to something that concerns them. But I will happily help them play suitcase-tetris to make their load easier to bear. Yes, sometimes this is messy, sprawling out on the airport floor and more than a few swear words of frustration. This could involve throwing some things out in the airport garbage, stuffing socks and underwear in shoes to maximize space, or asking for a bag at the coffee shop so that the carry-on accessories can be more easily juggled. I don't take the baggage away, I don't direct how they should carry their items, but I will assist, even in simple words of encouragement or with another hand to help pull that luggage around, if we cannot rework the entire suitcase order.
It's not always about getting rid of your baggage. Sometimes, it's about redistributing it to make it easier to carry.
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