That cheerful thought out of the way, no one likes to think about it more than they have to, but there is that brief period post illness where we appreciate good health a different light, for at least a week or so before we're content to ignore it again. Well, I say "we" but I am implying persons that are generally healthy. If you've got something chronic, it's a little more real to you. Still, we can all identify with that feeling when our noses are blocked up, that we never really appreciated how nice it was to have open nasal passages when we had the chance.
Take a deep breath now and (hopefully) appreciate it, my friends.
We seek different comforts: some of you may love a warm bowl of soup, others tea, a favorite stuffed animal, a particular movie, that one blanket curled around you like a nest, and a number of other things. Ideally, too, we have someone that will bring us those things, so that we can site miserably in one place while we recuperate. I've spoken several times about some of the expectations I have of my caregivers, but I want to explore the other side a little bit this time: how can you be a good patient?
- Don't be grumpier than you have to be. Yes, we know you feel terrible, but that's no reason to take it out on someone else. You're allowed to be upset about the situation, but there is a huge difference between being frustrated at the situation and making snitty comments to whomsoever is around to hear it. Additionally, how inclined is that potential helper to stay around if you're opting to take out your frustration on them. Nasty comments or anger toward your caretaker can led to resentment--why would you want to go back into a room to help someone that is cruel to you? A little kindness can go a long way, even in how you phrase your requests for assistance
- Track your symptoms and medications. If at all possible, monitor this information yourself. You can write it down, have it on a white board, keep it on an app, set an alarm, whathaveyou, but have access to this information. As your caretaker may need their own rest, the person coming in may or may not be aware of that situation. This is an element where you need to advocate for yourself, keeping track of your own schedules when you need another dose of something to ensure that you take things at the right time and don't take too much too quickly. If you're not in a good state of mind to remember, ask your helper to write them down with you, but have it handy. Just in case that you need to go the hospital, this information could be VERY important and help move your care in the right direction a little bit faster. Be sure to mention any symptoms that are not visible and show any signs that are, so that your healthcare professional has as full a story as they can. Additionally, track when symptoms started--have you been experiencing chest pains for two hours or three days? When did you start feeling nauseous? These won't need an exact minute (unless we're talking stroke or cardiac arrest levels, here), but have answers for those kinds of questions, since, again, this could affect your course of treatment.
- Follow instructions. When your doctor says finish the full course of the antibiotic, do it. When your doctor says don't take more than X amount of this in a day, don't take more than that amount. Unless you've got a violent reaction to the course of treatment, try to follow the prescribed path to the best of your ability. Give it a few days. Actually, check with your health professional on maybe when you should expect to see improvement. But as long as the suggestions are reasonable, try them. You can return later if you see no improvement or not enough improvement, having at least eliminated some possibilities. This also follows with your caretaker. If the nurse tells you not to go to the bathroom without them, honor that request, even if you're pretty sure you can make it fine. If they don't have to worry about you slipping and knocking yourself unconscious while they tend to someone else, they'll be grateful, even if that means you have to wait a minute or two to go to the bathroom. For an at-home caretaker, similarly given them that courtesy to feel valued and heard.
- Remember that your caregiver is balancing different things. A nurse has a handful of other patients that they are tending to at the same time, all of which have hit their call button at once. It's a good thing to wait--it means you're not dying. That being said, yes, it is unpleasant to wait as you're crossing your legs needing to get to the bathroom or you can distinctly feel that it's time for another round of pain medication. That being said, it's no excuse to be unkind to them when they do arrive. Again, what impetus do they have to hurry back to someone that talks down to them the whole time? A family member or a friend that is checking in on you has other tasks that they have to manage, too, and their schedule also needs to be respected, if they are kind enough to do so. Your needs are absolutely important, but not to the point that you have exhausted their energy and time beyond what they can do. This is also a responsibility of the caretaker, however, to set reasonable boundaries and otherwise ask for help when necessary.
- Be honest about your needs and speak up about them. This can be a tricky one. I tend to feel guilty about asking for help, whether I'm down with a headcold or recovering from surgery. I get into a mindset of not wanting to bother anyone. There is no point, though, in suffering needlessly, no medal or reward for toughing things out you don't have to. Additionally, it's not fair to harbor resentment toward your caretaker for not reading your mind and offering you what you need. If you need another round of Tylenol (and the time frames are acceptable), then ask for it. If you need help repositioning so you can rest, ask for it. If you need another pillow, ask for it. If you need to go to the hospital, you get the picture. After getting repositioning help for example, if you're asked "is that better?" give an honest answer. No one knows how you are feeling to properly guess what to do for you. You need to let people know. If you need help standing up and are offered it, tell people how to best help you to avoid anyone getting hurt. It is hard to ask for help, but it is incredibly important to do so when you need it and to be honest about it to yourself and your caretaker. Over time, your caretaker can learn some of the ways that you prefer help best, or they may not--either way, keep that communication going between you so that needs can be met instead of playing some weird guessing game.
- Try making requests in bursts. Ever sit down and get settled only to have your phone go off across the room? Don't do that to your caretaker either. If they can maybe address a few of your needs at a time, then that's less bothering that you have to do. I don't mean to read off the full list but at least mentioning that you would like some additional assistance once they get back from the medicine cabinet, for example. I've even pulled the "before you sit down, could I trouble you for X" for Andy a few times over and it's much better than the annoyed look he tries to hide when I ask him afterwards. Now, if I quite suddenly need help to go to the bathroom to throw up, that goes back to the being honest about you r needs elements, but for less urgent requests, it can be nice to see them done in bursts rather than agonizingly spread out.
- Thank your caregiver. This feels like a no-brainer, but it's very easily forgotten when you're just feeling wretched. It's important to remind your caregiver that you are grateful for their assistance, even if it's just topping off your water cup. Not saying that you have to lay it on thick, but thank yous are a must and general statements of gratitude such as "I really appreciate you coming out here to help me" or "thank you for all your hard work keeping the house going while I'm sick" help your helper feel valued.
Whether it's something short or long term, bear these elements in mind. It's very likely that you'll have a turn yourself at being a caregiver, if you haven't already, at which point I would suggest making note of any of the elements you wish your "patient" would do to help you better help them. If appropriate, make these suggestions and consider taking them yourself when your turn comes, if applicable. Our fragile, turbulent bodies need compassion and patience as they heal--people helping in that endeavor likewise need our patience and courtesy. The better you can subtly take care of your caregiver, the better both of you will be.
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