After the Show

I enjoy going to plays and concerts, particularly in my community.  We've seen shows at ISU, IWU, all three high schools in town, the Shakespeare Festival, the Community Players, and certainly some others that I'm forgetting at the moment.

However, once we're out of the immersion and the lights have gone back up, there's that awkward limbo space afterwards.  I enjoy talking about it immediately with anyone that might have come with me, discussing all of the different nuances within the show itself, how we were taken in, particular characters that spoke to us, particular actors that stuck out to us, and all else.  This part is fine.  It's the ambling toward the exit and seeing the receiving line that I struggle with.  

The closer that I get to this line, the more anxious I feel.  What am I supposed to say here?  If there is someone that I know, it's easy to spot them out and congratulate them and tangentially those who happen to be next to them.  When I don't have a friend in the show, I want to find the ones that have just pulled me through the right kind of emotional journey or made me think or whatever else may have happened in that short escape from my normal life, but if they're next to someone else, do I have to think of an individually tailored response to that person, too?  In short, walking up to the receiving line, I end up wracking my brain to compile individual compliments for each player I may encounter because something feels hollow about "Good job!" to each person in the line after the other.  

So I'm ashamed to say that more often than not I chicken out and slip out quickly, trying to make as little eye contact as possible.  And I deserve that guilt.  Undoubtedly, I have had many great things to say to my companions about what I noticed in the show or how they approached different things or how a particular player really sucked me in--it does not seem like a big step to just tell that person.  But that overthinking if I do single out a particular player that the person next to them might be wondering why I haven't said something to them, too, and I feel overwhelmed, that I don't have the same kind of insightful feedback for every person off the top of my head even though logically I'm certain that even those "You did thing good" comments are greatly appreciated.  But I wuss out way more frequently than I should, and I keep that praise and appreciation unspoken.  I tell myself that I'll write a thoughtful letter and send it to their Facebook page or whathaveyou as I leave, knowing that I'm going to get distracted by life again until the time interval seems too far past.  All of the gratitude and joy and cognitive dissonance stirred up by their participation, it fades into nothingness.

I know that these persons have bared themselves before me, put themselves out there, and otherwise put their time and energy into this performance.  I won't say that they do it for my praise, but I know enough creative people to know that they also need feedback.  Some of it, I already have--why do I leave it unsaid?  How could I imply that I did not appreciate their passion by my silence like this?  

A couple of years ago, I made a personal challenge to myself that when I thought a positive thing about a person that I would make an effort to voice it in the moment.  This has been a vastly successful experiment, where I know that I have made a positive impact on the tone of someone's day a few times over.  I feel that this is a natural space where I can renew that challenge, a place where I can expand my comfort zone a bit further and let these persons know how much their efforts were appreciated.  And in the pressure of the moment, there will be some pieces of "great job!" and "well done!" that I know will still be received gratefully and are worth the effort.

...This also means that I will need to go to some more local shows for practice.  Oh, shucks.