Open Letter to Trump Supporters

I had a situation that happened recently that caused me some cognitive dissonance, and otherwise it gave me an important place to put-up or shut-up.  

A friend of mine and I got into an interesting vein of conversation.  I was feeling very uncomfortable with parts of their verbage, that they were embracing a philosophy that views a group of people (specifically women) as a lesser, as a commodity rather than as living, breathing persons with feelings.  After a brief pause, I found some words, stating that these were dangerous ideologies, that the consequences of which have emotionally and physically hurt people (I could easily pull evidence for this in a quick search).  I did not want this person to fall into these ideologies, particularly if it was out of ignorance, and offered that I had the vocabulary to discuss it.  They doubled-down, insisting that it wasn't "bad," and I was judgmental for saying such.  

I can understand parts of that response, that there's a defensiveness that can kick in when someone points out something that you believe, have done, or otherwise conforms to your bias is "wrong," but discomfort doesn't make that wrong thing suddenly not wrong nor does it free you from the consequences.  No one wants to be at fault nor feel the ramifications or implications of they might have done accidently or otherwise--it's embarrassing and difficult to work through--but I respect persons immensely that can hear what I have to say, apologize where needed, and genuinely seem to think about it.  I hold people in my life accountable.  When certain lines are crossed, friends and family members have been told about it.  I have friends and family that hold me accountable, too, and I can feel guilt/shame/whathaveyou in the moment, but I still listen and think about what they have told me.  

I need to be more specific about parts of this accountability and better evaluate what some of my personal lines are.  Some lines are easy:  for example, I don't care what swear words someone uses, but I don't abide words that disparage a group of people, including Gypsy, Retard, gay used as a slur, the N-word, and others.  Some people accept the correction, even if only when I'm around; others double-down and gaslight, saying "oh, you're just too sensitive," trying to control how I feel about the situation rather than respect what I'm telling them I'm already feeling or take any culpability for their actions.  

Part of why this accountability is important to me is in knowing that many times people don't realize that they've hurt others until it is specifically brought up, that being angry with someone primarily because they didn't read my mind is patently unfair.  Additionally, the excuse of "well, no one told me it was wrong" or "why didn't you tell me?" is gone--that person has actively chosen their side at that point and can no longer claim ignorance as an easy out.  

...I think given the title of this post, we can all see where I'm going with this.  There is a saying, that the German people have a word for persons that eat at the same table as Nazis:  that word is "Nazi."  The same goes for racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, etc.  I want to make racism a lonely hobby.  I want to make homophobia a lonely hobby.  I want to make bigotry in any shape a lonely hobby.  I am willing to discuss if the discussion is from a place of genuine openness, but otherwise I will be putting some additional distance between myself and persons who are Trump supporters.  

Why?  Firstly, I signed petitions against Trump regarding his sexist and racist behavior long before he announced his run for presidency--these traits are not new revelations.  That's reason enough there.  He refused to condemn white supremacy at the first presidential debate recently as a fresher example.  Racism is systemic, subtly embedded into policies and mindsets until we begin to think of its hallmarks as "normal."  If we tolerate racism, we are racist.  I do not condone this behavior.  To pull in a Wesleyan tradition, "Do no harm" means more than not harming someone through our direct actions, but also ensuring that our inaction is not harming someone.  Silence will always benefit the oppressor.  A vote for Donald Trump hurts multiple demographic groups in different ways.

I have those that I love that are afraid of what the state of the country means to their marriages and their rights as members of the LGBTQIA+ community.  As I love those persons, I cannot be silent when they are threatened, when there is already discussion about reversing previous rulings on same-sex marriages.  A vote for Donald Trump hurts these persons directly.  

I have love for myself and others like me who have a chronic illness or will become sick at some point in their life (i.e. everybody).  The Affordable Care Act is back in the courts again now.  This could thrown millions of Americans off of healthcare in the middle of a pandemic.  If you have a pre-existing condition--such as, oh, lingering coronavirus symptoms--then you are guaranteed no protections without the ACA.  Also, healthcare costs are certain to rise when insurance companies and healthcare providers are less restricted in how they set prices.  I have MANY thoughts about the state of our current healthcare system as it stands (exhibit A, exhibit B, exhibit C):  while I know that Obamacare was not perfect, there are many important foundations that we need to continue to build upon and maintain the security of its presence in the interim.  A vote for Donald Trump hurts me directly.  

Gaslighting is all we're getting out of this administration, eroding our trust and understanding of our own reasoning skills.  This is psychologically damaging to all of us.  Here is an older but still unfortunately relevant article from Psychology Today that breaks down more of what that means.  Anyone who has been a victim of abuse (emotional, physical, or sexual) has likely been greatly triggered by the proliferation of the repeated lies, gaslighting, and all else.  A vote for Donald Trump contributes to your own emotional abuse.  

Yes, Donald Trump is a symptom and not the system himself, not instilling these problems necessarily, but allowing us to see the severity of the existing problems in greater focus, when allowed to run unchecked.  Sending a signal that these actions are not acceptable is important.  Choosing that we will no longer tolerate these immoralities is important.  A vote for Donald Trump extends and emboldens these problems.

Now, let's address an elephant in the room.  I know some persons considering voting for Donald Trump specifically with their eye toward the issue of abortion.  Mostly, I see these persons eager to see the dissolution of the Roe v Wade decision, as though this is the only way to possibly attack this concern.  This would eliminate abortion the same way that prohibition stopped alcoholism--it seems simple, but it would greatly increase the amount of unsafe abortions and therefore maternal death rates.  (Check out the highlights section of this document from the UN.)  If one truly wants to reduce the rates of abortion, then supporting education (including vasectomy), access to birth control, and bettering social safety (such as maternity leave, access to health services including screenings, etc.) are the more complicated but true answers.  These policies more frequently align with the democratic ticket.  In short, a vote for Donald Trump does not further the goal of reducing the rate of abortions.  

SO.  What does all this mean?  The short version is, please, as you love me, others, and people in your family, do not vote for Donald Trump.  I will also be retracting myself from persons who support Trump--no, I'm not disowning these persons over politics; I'm disowning these persons because of morality.  Politics are disagreements about the best way to zone the new park; questions about whether my gay friend is entitled to the same rights as someone else is a morality question.  We can argue about the best ice cream place in town; someone who thinks black lives aren't as important as white lives will be eating their ice cream without me.  

I don't take this lightly--it's going to be tough as we're approaching the holiday season.  I've been frustrated at myself for not posting something sooner.  There are going to be difficult choices.  I will disappoint some persons with this stance and persons that I did not expect will disappoint me.  Here's another portion of the Wesleyan tradition:  "Do all the good you can."  Not harming is not enough--a vacuum of "lack of injury" requires proactive steps to sift out the negative and replace it with a positive.  Love can still be there; love can look like holding someone accountable and letting them serve the consequences of their choices.  Love can also look like respecting yourself enough to distance oneself from hurtful persons, family or otherwise, intentionally harmful or otherwise.  I have to cultivate a healthy circle, mindful of the company I keep as a reflection of myself and where I want to grow.  I will still continue to recognize the humanity of persons that I may now exclude.  I wish those people well, and I am accessible for earnest discussion and rekindling down the road.  

The excuse of ignorance is no longer there.  If we're honest, it's been gone for a while now.  I have no idea whether folks will double-down from here or pause, but my silence would be doing both myself and others a disservice.

Please vote.  And please wear a mask.