Mandatory End of Year Reflection, 2021

 It's been another ridiculous year in the Little Peterson household.  Hell, it's been a strange year for the planet in a lot of ways.  Deploy the bulleted list!

• As a manager at Skyward, one of my major goals was to bring a focus to the emotional needs of the group (e.g. "what do you need to feel ready for X requirement?").  This seemed especially important when we all moved to work from home as the pandemic launched off in the US.  Andy and I were part of the group that elected to work from home prior to the state requirements moving that direction, in part to set an example for our respective groups.  Advocating for my people was the best privilege I had in my time there.
• Andy's position expanded to include direction of teammates in addition to the product, leading to some great growth in management capabilities. 
• In April, I informed my manager that I was leaving the company to pursue nursing.  As vastly difficult as it was to disappoint my team, my peers, and others, I knew that this was the right place for me to be.  I had been preparing for it for some time, but, still, it was difficult to give myself permission to make the leap.
• May was hella weird, trying to put everything together for nursing school and sort out the remaining requirements prior to starting.  Clinicals would not be held in their original location, as our designated places were sorting out their relevant Covid policies, not yet ready to take students in the mix of all else in those moments.  Still, all told, I am now halfway through my nursing program, due to be complete next August.
• Made a friend, lost a friend, made some better friends, found places of common ground, kept my head above water, fell off the face of the earth, came back to say hello in different places, and paid enough attention to politics to get the overview but not to be fully depressed.
• We started our bathroom project back in August--it is still not complete, the ostomy toilet being our most difficult element.  As it stands currently, there is enough pressure to flush but not enough force in the flush to pull everything out of the bowl.  Once we sort out these pieces, I feel that the rest will line up in short order.  We're ready to have all of our spaces back and take it off of the to-do list once and for all.  The closet part of the project is lovely and complete, thankfully creating a useful and practical space for our needs.  In the meanwhile, understanding more about plumbing theory has been fascinating.
• Mike is continuing to work from Starbucks and spend time researching various elements for some big ideas he's preparing.  Selfishly, I have enjoyed learning about Indian, Chinese, and Japanese literature troupes by proxy.  
• We've been working on bettering a space for Andy to work on his project car--the area under our porch is mostly dug out.  
• Oh, yeah, we got a dog!  Luna came in early November, and we're finding a groove with her.  She's very smart when she wants to be--more often she's bored doing a trick rather than not understanding, it seems.  She got a small salivary gland infection right around Christmas, so we're also learning the joys of hiding pills in cheese.
• Luna's current list of nicknames include the following:
• LuLu
• "My little gorgonzola"
• Sweetheart
• Duck
• "Our little revolutionary"
• Baby, as in "you're just a big baby" when she flops over
• Ferocious hunter
• Dingus
• Fuzzbutt
• Incomplete list of songs her name has been incorporated into and/or rewritten around:
• Cancan, "Spectacular Spectacular" kind of style
• Waterloo (Luna-loo)
• Copacabana
• Beauty School Dropout
• Noodle Dance
• Poker Face
• Hooked on a Feeling (Luna-chaka Luna Luna Luna-chaka)

Looking back on last year's post about this time, there are some pieces that felt more prophetic than others, certainly.  2020 I had labeled "The Year of the Shove," the previous being "The Year of the Precipice."  There was a huge push and acceleration into a new future, on many levels.  Yes, I knew writing last year that I had accepted a spot in the Mennonite College of Nursing Accelerated path--January and February were seeing toward the final prerequisite and emotionally preparing as much as possible for leaving Skyward and my team.  I had positioned myself to take the leap, checked and rechecked the rigging, and am still very caught in the roar of the wind at my ears, sometimes finding the vibrations and fluttering fabric its own distraction.  In short, a lot of carefully planned and executed growth.  

I still feel the cliff, the wind, the uncertainty.  And yet, by the end of it, I'm confident that I will find a strong glide path into the next thing, find some rocky soil under my feet once more.  

Entering 2021, I have a few expectations.  Some important goals, but few expectations.  

I don't like long-term planning.  I don't trust the same world, same circumstances to be there for me, and thus find it difficult to plan well for the range of unforeseen circumstances into those master plans.  As such, when I do make plans, there are benchmarks and guideposts but not defined paths.  In another couple months, I'll be working on putting in applications to get a job immediately after graduation of my program, transitioning into some serious self-actualization pieces at the end of the summer.  The transition will be simultaneously fast and slow in those places.  The imposter syndrome elements will be loud.  There will be additional life curveballs and unexpected changes and further places where worldwide impacts send a shockwave through our home.  And the world will keep on turning despite us.  Still, I expect to have a very different ground underneath my feet than I did in starting the year--can't say much yet to said ground's condition or position, but on the ground.  

I wish you similar confidence.