Oscillation Continues

I'm working a lot right now.  Switching from thirty-six hours a week to forty is a bit of a change.  Okay, so technically I tend to get out early on Fridays, but I've also still been picking up on my old unit, meaning that once a pay period I pick up a twelve-hour shift on the medical floor.  Even though the days are technically shorter, there are more days out of the week that are worked.

It's a lot.  AND I like the variety and keeping those skills that I worked hard to build sharp and ready.  There are ways where I feel that doing those shifts sporadically makes me a better nurse, that I'm not so worn down by alarms that I can treat them with fresh eyes when I see them, even provide rest to the team by shouldering the load.  I am also tired.  These both exist in the same space.

I have not figured out writing time yet.  I don't have a pattern for walks with Luna again.  There are books I want to read.  I have not figured out when to get back to the pool yet with any consistency.  I am still averaging at least one climbing night and one cardio activity a week, but I miss immersion and taking that time to swim a mile.  The hardest part is eternally just getting to the damn gym.  In other words, there is more honing to do on solidifying a rest schedule, returning to those activities that help me find best balance.  

My outside of work attention has been spent in attempting to iron out how to do appointment scheduling primarily--these pieces were triaged higher.  Figuring out the new order of appointments or switching care providers to fit with the new schedule, it's taken some intentionality and emotional space.  That means, though, that there are spaces where the body has to play catch-up, and it is no longer asking.  And it's time to disassociate on the couch for a while or forcibly hug your pet or channel your inner Ren.  

RAGE-DANCE TIME

The pendulum oscillates wildly until it finds a center again.  I feel like I'm out of the wide swings, taking a smaller arc but still moving, kissing the center space and moving just out of reach again.  And that's okay.  Frustrating, but okay.  

In the meanwhile, I'm enjoying the work I'm doing.  I'm enjoying the people I work with.  I feel fulfilled professionally.  I'm climbing 5.10s in the silos.  I am working on a new trick to teach Luna.  I am planning new adventures that are a few months out.  I am slowly reconnecting with a few folks at a time.  

The world continues on.