I am, in fact, not dead.
I have four separate half-baked blog posts that I had started writing but couldn't get myself to finish. It's time for some recalculating and reorienting.
But first, time to deploy the bulleted list of great destiny and catch up on a few things.
- I broke my ankle, on April Fool's Day, no less. I was working on a bouldering problem, the kind of rock climbing without a harness and rope. I did not put the crash pad underneath me for that fateful route because it was a V0, which is basically a glorified ladder. Sure enough, I scuttled up to the final hold...and promptly fell when it twisted in my grip, landing fifteen feet ankle-first. I made some gravel inside my ankle, chipping off pieces of bone from the tibia, fibula, and talus. There were many swear words.
- Ended up in a short cast for two weeks, a boot for four, and an ankle brace for at least four, possibly more pending the next appointment. Luna has been very confused but not displeased to have extra company and couch snuggles as I stayed with it elevated and iced for the bulk of that time. She would also stare at me when she needed to go outside and, for some reason, could not grasp that I couldn't help her, leading to encouraging barks and attempts at treat distractions. My ankle is definitely still sore, stiff, and intermittently swollen, but still gradually improving.
- So, yes, I have been on short term disability for the cast and boot time. One cannot drive without significant modifications if the ankle is unable to bend and/or restricted from applying pressure/weight through that limb. Additionally, if I was restricted from putting weight on my own limb, it would be nigh on impossible to help patients transfer or lift or balance etc. Funnily enough, when one loses use of a leg, the common means of getting around it involves losing some use of arms as well. I stayed mostly on the lower level of our bilevel home, cautiously hopping up with my crutches and a backpack only occasionally when Andy or Mike would be gone for a while with their mutual work schedules. I very thankful how they both stepped up to help. We were also supported with rides and folks checking in periodically--thank you, all.
- The dreadful pattern that led to my diagnosis with Crohn's all started with a broken leg, back when I was eleven. I had a lot of time to ruminate on that. The hypervigilance thing, it can really suck. Lots to process there, and it was only safe to gently touch the idea from time to time.
- I am determined to heal properly--I know MANY healthcare providers that are bad patients when it comes to taking care of their own body, witnessing "toughing it out" touted as a virtue for their own pain and then turning around to tell the patient to rest and not push too hard. We often give the advice we need most for ourselves. This isn't to say that being patient is not frustrating. I'm so annoyed noticing the difference between my calf muscles and wanting to take another walk and wondering about what I could get away with, before gently corralling myself back to my PT exercises and pieces that I can do. I can do wound clinic functions right now, but I'm not sure when I can get back to working PRN for the medical floor as of yet.
- The way my brain works, I like to have something to do to schedule other tasks around. For example, I am more inclined to do my PT exercise set, fold the laundry, another exercise set, etc. when I have an appointment scheduled that day to plan those things around. When I have all the time in the day to do whatever, absolutely nothing gets started or done. So writing didn't happen in particular, since I had all of this time to do so. I set my hope to the future, where ultimately having enough stamina to make it through a work day would then lead to more regular patterns.
- While I was laid up, however, my primary job was healing and managing the details thereof. I was alerted, though, that the Bromenn Wound Clinic was hiring and had started asking questions, checking to see how a closer facility might fit better for our family. The injury definitely highlighted how difficult the commute to Chambana could be--if I was cleared to work before I was cleared to drive, finding someone to drop me off in town would be far simpler than navigating the back-and-forth from Champaign. Navigating the parking lot to the hospital, too, would have been six kinds of tiring after a full workday again after that much time being sedentary. Long story short, I am in week four at Bromenn's clinic. More on this at a later time. Shout-out to the Urbana Wound Clinic crew--will certainly miss ya'll.
- Andy and I celebrated eleven years of marriage. SO MUCH has changed in this last year in particular, Andy shifting from Rivian to Upper Limits. I'm so proud of how he is continuing to grow into himself. Even physically he's changed so much in the last year, finding both an exercise and a hobby he enjoys. I'm proud of how we're continuing to grow together, further supporting different facets of exploration and continuing to find joy.
- With the uncertainty of money, future, etc., Andy and I did postpone our Iceland trip to an undetermined future date. However, the two of us were able to keep a tradition by meeting Josh and Morgan in the Wisconsin Dells, though they were all graciously accommodating for my busted ankle. We did an escape room where we saved the Titanic from sinking--you're welcome--and went both to the Root Beer Museum as well as a torture museum, one of these significantly more wholesome than the other. The other trip I had planned to be a part of was a group of friends to Nashville to celebrate a friend's birthday. Unfortunately, I did bow out of that one; the fear of missing out battled heavily with the understanding that the trip would not be able to be the experience I had hoped for with my current physical limitations. I know that we could have made it work, but after the Wisconsin Dells trip, I was acutely aware of how much space I took up and felt uneasy processing it.
- Andy, Mike, and I all acknowledged another orbit around the sun, taking a more sedate birthday acknowledgement this year.
- Mike is continuing to work toward a radiography program, chipping away at the prerequisites. He took a long train ride to a friend's wedding recently as another new adventure. He has another tattoo since I last wrote and another scheduled--the Majora's Mask on his chest looks badass.
- Ah, Andy also got his first ink, Bowser with a Chain Chomp on his right shoulder. I was not sure how that was going to work out, given that he does not do well with needles, but it was the right kind of uneventful. He has a couple of thoughts for a new one, and we may yet get a dorky couples tattoo one day.
- Mike's car died, meaning that we have three drivers and two vehicles, requiring a bit of renegotiation in how we plan out household needs and various appointments. It's going to take a bit of figuring.
- Andy has expanded his succulent garden and planted three trees so far this season. The number of smaller plants has planted is...more than five and less than a fifty, that's all I know. I think the sunflowers are what I'm most excited to see--they are already more than a couple feet tall.
- I started going to a Tai Chi class at my gym--the meditative movement resonates well with me, exploring spaces to simply be and spend time with a new group of people that are genuinely excited to teach me something new.
- Andy had Kickstarted into a Monster Hunter Board game that arrived a couple weeks back. It functions pretty well though better for those that have at least some knowledge of the video game, I would say. There's a lot of love baked in, and Andy is excited to continue playing. On the aspect of gaming, he streams on Twitch on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Right now, I hear all kinds of fun shrieks as he completed Resident Evil IV. I greatly enjoy spending channel points to make him drink more water.
It has been a BUSY few months, in short. Lots of adjusting and readjusting, patterns broken and leaving us to decide what ones are temporarily changing instead of permanently changing. Pausing to reassess. Finding cleaner flow. And occasionally holding on for dear life as I we do so.
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