Melvin and Me, Part 11: My Skin is Angry

Melvin and I have been plodding along now happy to ignore each other for the most part recently.  Sure, I have to schedule in the next bag change and empty out the bag when it gets to be too full, but, as predicted, this is becoming less and less of an event.  However, whether it's from sweat the change in seasons, or something else, I have a couple spots on my skin now that are breaking down a bit around the ostomy site.  The problem is that these spots tend to ooze a bit--weeping, if you will.  This makes the adhesive less sticky.  Any kind of oozing, too, ultimately bothers the skin around it in time.  I've learned that any time I feel an itch underneath that appliance that it might be worth changing early in order to address the irritated skin underneath.  Thankfully so far these spots have not been in areas directly around the seal itself, but it still has been under the flange square, a component of the support around that seal.  In other words, it makes me nervous and more than a little annoyed worrying that the likelihood of potential leaks increases.  I know that irritated skin could eventually spread up further up, perhaps as the cut component of the flange now rubs up against a different area.  Maybe the sweat from my workout (saturated into a tight-fitting stealtbelt) sat against this open area for too long, even when it was exposed.  Maybe a loose but protective covering of gauze is still better.  

Out, foul spot, out!

Actually, this is the spot looking much better than it had been.

I've stopped wearing another layer under my t-shirts, to expose this area more to open air.  I've alternated between a protective bandage and leaving it open.  I've washed it multiple times per day, even with the final remnants of the post-surgery soap.  It's stopped weeping, but it's not going away quickly.  

I resent having to take care of my body sometimes, specifically because of how I have "othered" my body in order to keep parts of me safe through all of my various physical needs (discussed a bit further here and here).  I pay attention to my body only in terms of "what is it now?" laced with impatience and scorn.  And I lose some of my own uniqueness and the full depth of my experience as I do that.  But most of us do that to some extent--we ignore somatic sensation, everything that our body is feeling or doing, until something hurts or doesn't perform as expected/desired.  But how our body opperates in space, how it interacts with our environment, is still an important component of how we experience the world, coloring our perspective with its own particular flavor.  With all the conditioning that I've had to expect my body to be failing in some capacity, there's a lot of missing compassion there for an important part of myself.  Hell, I'll call it "running a systems check" to detach my body from its own humanity, only reading the error report like a practiced pessimist.  In the same breath, I'm also very aware of how much better it is compared to where I've been at other points of my life and grateful to be where I am now, just to make it more complicated or maybe just to add some guilt for being down on those hurting parts of me that aren't imperfect simply to inconvenience me.  

Practically, it's another thing to watch out for--debating between talking to my ostomy nurse or a dermatologist first currently.  Emotionally, it's another thing to do and be worried about.  I've been increasing the frequency of bag changes, partly because this means that I'll be washing the area more thoroughly and swabbing with some skin protectorant, particularly since I just received my next shipment of ostomy supplies.  

**Mini-Rant** So, I went to recorder my ostomy supplies, but due to some minor credit card fraud recently, Andy and I had to get a replacement card for the one that I happened to have on file there.  I updated this information prior to completing the order, but something was still not going through correctly.  I received some notifications and a couple of voicemails.  However, when I called the number listed in the voicemails, I had three solid minutes of advertisements, where I had to opt out of insurance, AT&T universe or something like that, and a few other things.  I hung up in disgust.  I'm trying to order MEDICAL SUPPLIES and they're trying to sell me shit.  My cart had $400 worth of ostomy supplies and they wanted to know if I wanted to watch more sports channels?  I found a different number to call in and sorted out the issue, but I'm still looking into the right avenue to clarify that this was decidedly not okay.  **End Mini-Rant**

With summer starting to show its face, I reckon that sweat, sunscreen, and water are going to be a different component to consider with my ostomy--not that I couldn't go swimming or enjoy the outdoors, but that I will need to be cognizant of what my skin's needs are to maintain that area as well as possible in the process, listening with a more gracious ear than I had been.  

Of course, I'll keep you posted.  Gross pictures and all. ;)