Mind Reading

When posed with the ever-entertaining question of "what would your superpower be?", I have a set answer:  super-speed.  Hands down.  It is easily the most versatile skill, apart from perhaps telekinesis, but with the added perk of an increased metabolism that precludes less of a beer belly than a telekinetic might end out with.  Flying is nice and all, but you'd still get there faster with super-speed AND have most of your errands already done for the day.  Start a fire with fast-friction.  Move something heavy by taking smaller parts of it very, very quickly, or throw something with the force of super strength by accelerating the throw.  And with all of that newly-freed time, do something for yourself.

The one that always confused me the most was hearing people's thoughts.  That confusion stems from a few different points.

1.  How it is portrayed in common media
2. How scattered my own thoughts are
3. The irrational fear of my own thoughts being overheard

Now, I don't know how anyone else thinks, necessarily, but I know that in movies, tv, and the like, hearing thoughts somehow happens in complete sentences (most commonly) or occasionally an interpretation translated without the audience "hearing" it too.  All in all, they're linear conclusions and usually clear understanding.  Now, how I think and how I suspect others think is more nebulous than that, full of half-formed sentences and masses of feeling that aren't interpreted in words (but could be if given time) and a mush of memories and associations mixed in for good measure while still taking in physical sensations around you.  There are times that I cannot make sense of my own thoughts, so I would wonder how in the world someone who was "reading" them could sort it out without knowing the language context into a clear, single statement to report to the non-mind readers in the audience.  

And yet, I would propose that there is some level that we want to have people read our minds.  Well, maybe not all the time, certainly, but maybe at least some of it.  I think there are many things that we would love for others to simply understand without us having to give voice to it or fumble through an explanation.  So in context of my permanent colostomy and levels of depression and anxiety that come along with it (let alone all of my dark thoughts that come along with that) there are some things that I wouldn't want out in certain situations or audiences.  However, there are definitely times where I wish I didn't have to reach out when I needed compassion, that it was suddenly there.  I have pined for people to read my mind and know that I need help.  

This is something both my father and I do--we wait until someone asks us the right question to talk about something that is bothering us.  I've realized over time that this means that some things I really need to talk about end up being left alone to fester.  As I'm learning how to recognize some of those needs a piece at a time, I still don't always know the right way to bring them up.  I'm also trying to increase my understanding of what some of these emotional needs are, learning to ask for support instead of waiting for an invitation. 

More than once I have tried to bring up an important subject with someone only to have it shrugged off with platitudes or my conversation partner redirecting the conversation to themselves.  So, I do take this into account when discussing depression in our society, when I hear persons encouraging people to reach out--this is only half of the equation.  I promise you that people in your lives have been asking for help.  The other half of the equation is that we need to be receptive and open to those responses, make it a safe place for people to be vulnerable.  

If our response to people trying to open up or talk about really important is "You'll be fine" or "I'm sure it'll be okay" or otherwise shifting the conversation away from the person speaking to the person hearing accidentally or intentionally hijacking the conversation (tricks on how to avoid that here), then that effectively shuts that individual down.  It's hard to reach out, but it's especially hard to reach out when you've been shot down from speaking what's really on your mind.  Placing all of the responsibility on the individual hurting to break past their discomfort and depression to put themselves out there makes it more unlikely that they will do so if it is not welcomed with some level of grace.  And on the same coin, no one is expected to read someone else's mind.  It's a balance, the individual reaching out for help and the help maintaining an open, safe place to be helpful.  

It would be nice not to have to ask for help.  It would be nice if people just somehow knew when others are hurting or even what to do.  I can't be upset at people for not reading my mind, much as I would like that shortcut.  I need to advocate for myself in that way.  What I ask is that when someone reaches out to you, that you try to be receptive to it and meet them where they are.  Don't brush off their concerns; sometimes that innocent complaint is hiding something deeper, that your "strong" friends just don't know the best way to ask for help.  And thank you to those that have found their own ways to reach out; thank you to those who have been willing to respond helpfully; thank you to those that love from a distance.  

Let's try not to make people wish for mind readers.