That Song Stuck in my Head this Week

The song:  Piano Lessons by Porcupine Tree

Truth be told, this song gets stuck in my head on and off.  The lyrics resonate something everyone involved in creative careers or processes can relate to:  the tension between not wanting to sell out and at the same time recognizing that there are rules and ways to get noticed.  How can you keep your artistic integrity while still playing the game?  

The chorus goes as follows:

Credit me with some intelligence/
If not, just credit me/
I come in value packs of ten/
In five varieties.  

That hook at the end, sucked me right into the song, and the smooth sound of their music overall--complicated in the right ways, but pleasant and easy to listen to--had me listening to this song several times in a row.  It makes a simple request for appreciation but will settle for small recognition or money.  Then a declarative acknowledgement that the singer is himself a product to be bought and sold.  The music video, too, plays off of formulas in the music video world, labeling each part lest we forget.  There are a few breaks in the song where the drums stop and there's an ethereal plea "Take your hands off my land."  That small voice still wants to keep itself and maintain that integrity.

As I listened, more of the lyrics began to stand out to me and another theme with it.

I remember piano lessons/
Those hours in freezing rooms/
Cruel words and tiny hands/
Destroying timeless tunes

She said there's too much out there/
Too much already said/
You'd better give up hoping/
You're better off in bed.

I found this particularly haunting.  Anyone who wants to write, draw, paint, sing, etc. runs into the fear that what they're trying to put out there has already been done before.  Ecclesiastes 1: 9, it says "What has been will be again, what has been done will be again; there is nothing new under the sun."  And this text has resonated with me as well; there's comfort and despair both at the same time.  

Someone has felt the emotions you are feeling now.  Someone has had circumstances very similar to yours.  What's new was hip just a few years ago and is back again.  Someone else has already published your great idea.  You're not quite as special a snowflake as you thought you were. 

And yet, someone has already survived what you're going through; it is survivable.  Someone has already felt what you're feeling and might be able to help.  Trends happen, the world turns on.  The world will continue to turn on.

So whatever you're putting out there, someone else has already done it.  To that, I say, "So what?  No one can say it in my voice."  And that's the trick to it, really.  

More than once I have caught myself thinking that someone is more talented than I am, someone else is a better writer/employee/wife/friend/etc. than I am.  Anyone in a creative career especially understands that frustration.  What I have to say has been said before by someone else.  What I have to say could probably be done by someone with more talent than me.  There will always be someone out there with a better voice or who is a better writer or a better whatever.  But, no one will quite be able to say it in your voice.  What I touch will have my own unique spin on it, my own wonky way of wording and sculpting.  It's not new, but being the best that I can be is more important than being the best.  I do not have to be the best in order to have value or to validate what I have created.  

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever received came from a man that started by saying that there were times that he didn't feel good enough.  The table of people immediately chorused in that it simply wasn't true, that he was qualified, that he was such a good guy, that he does a lot of good work.  He shushed them politely and continued that sometimes he wasn't the best man for the job, but he was going to work hard enough that it wasn't going to make a difference.

So where does this fall with the song "Piano Lessons"?  Mostly, I expect that tension to rear up every now and again because it will.  In those moments, I can allow myself to feel that frustration, but not dwell in it longer than I need to.  What I put out here will have been done before, sure, but not quite in my style.  I may not be the best equipped for whatever I'm doing next, but I'll put enough of me in it and work hard enough that you wouldn't know someone could have done it better.  And ultimately I have a choice into how much I'm going to sell out.  I could write pieces I know will specifically garner a lot of readership or I can stick to what I need to say and let paths cross where they may.  Tough to choose sometimes, but, again, I'm only acknowledging that tension that's there, not dwelling on it.  The fear of not being good enough resurfaces every now and again, but I don't let it rule me.  What I have to put out there isn't new, but that doesn't mean it's not worth putting out there.

And if nothing else, it's a catchy tune.