The First Snow of the Year

Groggily wandering toward the bathroom after my alarm went off Sunday morning, I started to pull up my phone and noticed a weather notification.  As soon as I finished reading it, I rushed to the main room where Andy was.  Normally, I find him in the morning to spend a bit of time cuddling before the start of the day and he began to adjust accordingly but was confused when I went right past him to the blinds on the room and threw them open.

The "It's snowing!" was then accompanied by happy bounces.  

He is literally in his element

And, yes, he had to build a snowman

That's the reaction that snow always gets from Andy, whether it is the second, third, fourth, etc., but there is always something special about the first big snow of the season.  I enjoy snow, but I don't think I have enjoyed it as much as I do now.  Andy's unbridled joy is infectious.  

I look forward to his joy more than I do the snow itself.  That being said, when the snow is falling quietly on an otherwise still night, I gladly take his invitation to go for a walk and watch the snowflakes in the streetlights. 

...or throw the first snowball before he has a chance. 

If you Can't Beat Them...

So for years, Andy has been vehemently against glitter.  Threatening my sparkly clothing, pulling faces when I joke about spraying his tires with tire glitter, and all else.  And I wasn't the only one who knew about this--we had a few friends in particular who enjoyed hugs particularly to rub their glittered cheek against his shirt.  Andy's a good sport and would shake his head at us.  This year for Halloween, though, Andy had a brilliant idea.

I present Glitterbeard the Fabulous

We bought containers of glitter and literally poured them into his freshly-oiled beard.  It looked like tinsel attached to his face.  When he first rounded the corner, visible to all of our compatriots for the first time, well, people collectively died of laughter.  He also won sparkliest male in the costume contest.  Instead of shying away from everyone else's glitter, he was spreading it across the house, sprinkling it anyone (accidentally or otherwise) who came within a two-foot radius.  This created some real confusion, then, from those used to teasing Andy--he had taken their best weapon.  They could not out-glitter him.  He had embraced the glitter.  He had become one with the glitter.  

Sometimes, we have to embrace the weapons that people would use against us.  Playful or otherwise, those weapons then cannot harm you in quite the way they did before.

There is still a lot of glitter where his costume sat by the dresser.  Andy will tell you, though, that it was definitely worth it.  Going to be a few shades of difficult to top that next year...

A Break

There is a small group of people out of the many people that I know that I have created a category in my mind for called "people who just cannot seem to catch a break."  These are the people that you know that in addition to one life struggle, another adds on, and another, and another, when they've barely recovered from the first.  I'm not saying that life is harder for them than others, but there seems to be the strangest kind of universe-dumping happening in their particular sphere than in other places.  Health problems, car problems, family drama, work concerns, house problems, etc. all at once.

Well, we have a few friends that are in just that camp.  To cap off a number of concerns, one of them has had major heart surgery recently.  

It makes me absolutely furious to see how much just trying to stay healthy can bankrupt any family.  An accident at work or a genetic component that you have no control over shift the tide from functioning to limping overnight.  At one time, I was getting a medication every eight weeks that cost $28,000.00 a dose.  And yes, I did put the correct number in there.  If I were on an insurance plan that covered 80%, that's still a huge chunk of money every two months.  When I studied abroad in Scotland on a student visa, the National Institute of Health took care of everything but the medication itself--insurance would not make an overseas payment so we put in for a reimbursement of (after all foreign transaction fees, exchange rates, etc.) about $3,000.  For the exact same medication.  Recent changes to see more people insured is a great bandaid, but we truly need to look at why a procedure costs many times more in the States than it does ANYWHERE else.  Between medical costs themselves or losing a job because of health concerns, how are we collectively supposed to keep up when our health is held for ransom?  In the end, the money has to come from somewhere, be it food bills, electricity, whathaveyou.

I have a lot more to that rant, but that's not the main point right now.  I have some friends that need help.  Prayers are appreciated, most certainly.  However, I would ask people to take a step further than that and be prayers in action.  Please take a look at the link below.

This link.

It takes a great deal of courage to ask for help.  It's hard to admit that you need it, let alone put it out there.  They don't feel entitled; they just need a break.  

Whatever you can donate to them would be appreciated more than you know.  Please click on the link and share what you can.

Holding a Moment

I had the pleasure to be a part of Kate and Kaitlyn's wedding recently.  

It was a long but wonderful weekend, helping all of those last minute details pull together into a lovely ceremony and a great party.  I reconnected with some people and had the pleasure of meeting a good few more.

And helped make a LEGION of cupcakes.  This is about a quarter of them.

Emotions were running all over the place, from panic to joy to anger to relief and everything in between.  There's a lot going together in the planning of a wedding, if you've not gone through it yourself.  

However, I have a very specific moment held perfectly in my mind.  There were many that I could have picked--when the brides first saw each other, Kaitlyn's bouncy excitement right before the wedding, Kate and her mother sitting next to each other waiting to line up, their first kiss as a married couple, the list goes on.  But for some reason, the moment that is sticking with me most was Kaitlyn and her father in the daddy-daughter dance.  From where I was sitting, I had a clear view of his face, watching the resolution crumple into joyful tears as they held each other close.  There was something so beautiful and untainted about that moment.  

I don't know why, but I find that I don't cry nearly so easily as when I see someone else crying.  Again, many good moments that I could have teared up, but when I had that perfect vantage point of watching someone fight tears and ultimately give in, well, I was with the two of them emotionally in that private but public moment.  

As I've thought about that moment, I've also been trying to pinpoint what my triggers might be.  I always cry at those video compilations where soldiers are returning home to their families.  I'll sometimes cry at weddings.  I sometimes cry at funerals.  Sometimes happy tears move me more than sad tears and sometimes it's the other way around.  I'm sure I could find the source, find a correlation over time, but I don't feel that it is really worth the effort at the moment.  Sometimes, it's better just to hold the experience.

I'm so very happy for you both, Kate and Kaitlyn.

The Beginning of the Holidays

Well, the holidays have swung around again.  Honestly, they snuck up on me this year.  I could have marked Thanksgiving as my official start day, but Andy and I have started taking the day before off, just to have some us-time before all of our family and friend obligations during the holiday season.  Even before that, though, is of course the Festival of Trees.  I have a few of my favorites below.  Enjoy!

An elegant example

Whimsical snowman design

"Are there brakes on this thing..?"

And, yes, it is that skirt

A beautiful gingerbread house

Waiting for a Package

I went in for some retail therapy the other day, and I bought a skirt from ModCloth.  It's adorable.  I will be a little upset if it doesn't wear as well on me as I'd like.  So, I've been keeping one tab open on the top of my screen at work that has the tracking information.  Randomly throughout the workweek, I've been returning to the screen to see if the truck/plane/carrier pigeon has stopped somewhere else yet.  

Come on, REFRESH. REFRESH.

What is it about expecting a package that can suddenly make you feel that you have purpose in the world?  

And yet, I know that when the package finally arrives, that I will be excited to rip it open, and yet there will be another part of me that is a little bit depressed that I am no longer waiting on something.  It's the same kind of depression that happens when I finish a book that I've thoroughly enjoyed or a season of something on Netflix that had me excited.  I've been trying to find if there is a word for this, specifically, but have come up dry so far, other than "post-book depression."  

Or perhaps, I could just parse it down to the idea that now I have nothing to look forward to. 

That's not to say that I no longer have any desire to keep on living, but that thing that I was really anticipating--either wanting to get back to my book or know that my package had arrived--is now not there anymore.  The anticipation is over.   And now begins the search for something to fill that gap again.

The anticipation is why we tend to like Christmas.  A lot of those Christmas activities are all about preparing for that day, including but not limited to:

1. Baking
2. Decorating cookies
3. Gift shopping
4. Gift wrapping
5. Creating your own gift list
6. Decorating the house
7. Advent Calendars
8. Preparing a meal
9. Getting a fresh pine tree or your artificial one out of storage
10. Readying the house for incoming family/friends

For me, my real "it's really the Christmas Season again" marker is the Festival of Trees.  And this year, I'm already really looking forward to it.  I'm specifically planning to wear this skirt to said event.  So in waiting for this package, I'm preparing to prepare to prepare, oddly enough.  That anticipation can be stressful (waiting for test results, waiting to hear from a loved one that hasn't checked in, etc.), and there are many that find that anticipation to be more of a dread, depending on what kind of weight this holiday season means specifically to you.  

But so far, this year, it's sending me back to a pleasantly nostalgic place.  All entirely triggered by a package coming in the mail.

And it might have arrived today!

Initial Thoughts from November 9th, 2016

You know, I had a couple of cute, quippy entries I was going to put on next--short observations about the world, fun experiences, thoughts, etc.  

But it doesn't seem to fit right now.  There's a lot to process at the moment.  Writing, though, helps me process.  

Right now, I'm trying very hard to keep myself from making gross generalizations.  Rationally, I know that I cannot make assumptions about the people that voted for Trump (though I can make statistical ones), but at the moment I just want to be angry.  I need to mourn.  I need to work through my acceptance of this new dystopian reality lead by Cheeto McSmall-Hands.  That I still chose to include the previous sentence is evidence itself that I want to throw my fists in the ring and start with the name calling, too, revert back to the childhood self-righteous "It's not fair" or "He started it!" as though that would magically make a difference.  

So right now, I don't know what to say.  But I know I have to say something, if only to let these feelings out so I can move on.  You see my conundrum.  

As such, I'm only going to pull out a few main points that I keep coming back around to.  I'm sure that when I've had a little more time to work through the rest, I'll have some different things to say and a different approach, but (other than disbelief and some anger) this is what I have now.

I think we have a lack of empathy as a country:  We fail to see each other as people and instead see people as "other."  This makes it easier to dehumanize them, through bullying, intimidation, unjust legal practices, profiling, etc.  The more we dehumanize someone, the more we become certain that they just "deserve" to be treated that way.  No one group is to blame for all of our problems, not even Trump Supporters.  It's not about democrats being the devil or republicans being the devil--these are REAL people who have reasons for why they think differently.  Demonizing someone might make you feel temporarily superior, but you can't hold someone down in a ditch without being the in ditch yourself.  We need to remember our collective humanity in order to really listen to each other.

What we do affects the world:  Our economy will have an effect on other countries.  We cannot play King of the Playground to the point where everyone else decides they don't want to play with us and makes a new playground.  We share the same space and there are some points where we have to work together.  Additionally, with the internet, now, it's too late to make isolationism happen.  Again, remembering that collective humanity in order to find the best way to move forward for all peoples.

I think we collectively refuse to take culpability:  I'm trying to quash thoughts where I'm placing blame on a group of people, because they're definitely popping my head whenever I let my mind drift.  There's going to be a LOT of finger-pointing for the next while, here.  The problem is much more complex than 59 million people collectively on a whim deciding to vote for a man that is a bully (to say the very least--I have many, many more things I could say here).  For better or worse (whichever your opinion is), we made this possible.  We created an environment where political discourse broke down to a schoolyard fight.  

The world is going to keep turning:  Despite our best efforts, so far tomorrow keeps coming.  And it will continue to do so.  When it stops, it won't matter to us anyway.  We are a fleck of dust in the ocean.  Take a deep breath.  Whether or not you are pleased with the election results, take the time to celebrate or mourn appropriately and then, well, tomorrow will still come--work toward making it the tomorrow you want.  Or better yet, work on making it a tomorrow that helps us all.